postoso

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postoso

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4330
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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postoso's page activity

Visits<b>isabelf</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 4:06pm<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 12:20am<b>teapotrevolt</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 8:50am<b>Wolfparable</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 4:18am<b>flupsht</b> - the 02/02/2013 at 12:18am<b>vivaladino</b> - the 12/25/2011 at 1:52am

postoso's FML badges

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of postoso's badges

postoso's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

by lagirl / 06/09/2009 at 1:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was looking at the skeleton of a human male that we have in out biology classroom. I picked up the hand to examine the bones in the finger, and had the sudden realization that this is the only time that I have held hands with a boy. I'm a junior in college. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

by herve / 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Intimacy

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 8:40am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

by BigBadTron / 05/15/2009 at 1:10pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

by progressiveboink / 05/11/2009 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML

by Anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML

by whymommywhy / 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals

Today , I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money saying its collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then uses his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and wins 500 dollars. The jackass wouldnt split it. FML

by AJShow80 / 04/13/2009 at 4:51am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got all my co-workers motivated. We were all going to quit and walk out the door. I went first. I gave an emotional speech to my boss and threw my uniform to the ground. Then I turned around to to see the rest follow, they all began laughing. They didn't. They WANTED me to quit. FML

by ineedanewjob / 04/08/2009 at 8:34pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

by FML.. / 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm / China (Hebei) / Intimacy

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

by 00Evan / 04/05/2009 at 9:48am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

by GrandmasWhore / 04/04/2009 at 1:59am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

by imsorrytimmy / 04/02/2009 at 11:34am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy