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postoso

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postoso
  • Town/Country : Santa Monica, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 892
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About postoso : Don't you be stalking me

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You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

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postoso's favorite FMLs

Today, while working at a Subway store right next to a big hospital, there was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I asked the next person in line, "I'll bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

#795380
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28571) - you deserved it (81101)

On 04/04/2009 at 1:59am - intimacy - by GrandmasWhore (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22429) - you deserved it (102663)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16820) - you deserved it (104119)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "what do I do now?" FML

#718937
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124062) - you deserved it (13809)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

#661322
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60392) - you deserved it (28526)

On 03/28/2009 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by Chelsea (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58459) - you deserved it (19382)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

#278978
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70107) - you deserved it (9853)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:30pm - misc - by MoneyMike (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (218785) - you deserved it (28161)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

#135663
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20902) - you deserved it (33398)

On 02/25/2009 at 6:29pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

#76277
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9022) - you deserved it (37716)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by cynicalcindy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213897) - you deserved it (73290)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)



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