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Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (40934) - you deserved it (50771)
On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, after being told by her therapist to try to make her kids a bigger part of her life because we're so distant from her, my mom's new favorite thing to do is to constantly use the words "YOLO" and "swag" around us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45139) - you deserved it (4502)
On 05/28/2013 at 12:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42850) - you deserved it (7956)
On 05/15/2013 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by Redfaced (woman) - United Kingdom (Walsall)
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40636) - you deserved it (4916) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/15/2013 at 2:58am - misc - by grossesfesses (woman) - France (Picardie)
Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35953) - you deserved it (4148)
On 05/13/2013 at 1:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43735) - you deserved it (3874)
On 05/13/2013 at 12:29am - animals - by JamiesMom (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (54733) - you deserved it (7713)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML
I agree, your life sucks (27687) - you deserved it (3129)
On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States
Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41195) - you deserved it (3498)
On 03/22/2011 at 2:30pm - work - by Kim - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was on Facebook chat with my boss, talking about holiday hours. I had to go to my doctor's appointment, so I said, "G2G, love you" accidentally. Not only did he say it back, but he also requested a relationship with me on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23623) - you deserved it (8947)
On 12/22/2009 at 1:05pm - work - by ohshat (woman) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9617) - you deserved it (22915)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by nickname (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Monday 17 June 2013
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