Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Online | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2704
  • Number of comments : 1041
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 32 posted

About patrickalamo : Ok I'm so obsessed with badges I started a Facebook group "FML Badges". It is a new page but it is there to seek and give advice on earning badges.
I got my very first FML posted and just thought everything got posted. However, 20+ failures there after.
A work in progress.
Yes, pic number two is Howard Stern dressed in drag... It is my favorite Christmas ornament.
If I viewed your profile you either had a cool comment or pic... Or I could have just been trying to figure out what was in your pick. More than likely I gave you a fuck, for no particular reason.

What are you still doing here go write some comments.

patrickalamo's page activity

Visits<b>GeorgeD9114</b> - 2 hours ago<b>MrsWinchester</b> - 3 hours ago<b>fifi125</b> - 7 hours ago<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - 7 hours ago<b>Jdawg445</b> - 11 hours ago<b>DO24SS</b> - 12 hours ago<b>Malcazar</b> - 13 hours ago<b>TheDude992</b> - 13 hours ago<b>michaelaranda</b> - 16 hours ago<b>baba01</b> - 16 hours ago<b>noelsom7</b> - 22 hours ago<b>annarcheer</b> - yesterday at 8:29am<b>amadeclton</b> - yesterday at 12:13am<b>JasonBBold</b> - yesterday at 11:20pm<b>ZombehUnicorn</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 9:35am<b>CourtJester27</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 8:44am<b>mixximoo</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 6:30am<b>Paco_el_Taco</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 2:50pm

Liked!<b>DO24SS</b> - 6 hours ago<b>michaelaranda</b> - 10 hours ago<b>baba01</b> - 10 hours ago<b>annarcheer</b> - 24 hours ago<b>JasonBBold</b> - yesterday at 5:20am<b>ZombehUnicorn</b> - yesterday at 2:35pm<b>brittaaany_93</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 4:29pm<b>mixximoo</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 9:18am<b>PicanteSeed</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 8:30am<b>SilentSilver001</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 12:49am<b>boredSOLDIER</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 9:27pm<b>Shmatterhorn</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 4:36am<b>Lorenzo1102</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 8:53pm<b>Llama_Man2000</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 4:48pm<b>Johnnycake23</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 8:26pm<b>briang959</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 2:02pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 4:41am<b>Paco_el_Taco</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 4:26am

patrickalamo's FML badges

I like things a lot, 20 times in fact

You have liked 20 FMLs and your Facebook friends are going to like the FMLs that you have liked. We like that.

Tweet, tweet

You have shared 20 FMLs on Twitter, your followers love you and we can understand why.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

See all of patrickalamo's badges

patrickalamo's favorite FMLs

Today, I was startled by my roommate marching a drunk man out of our apartment. Somehow he found his way in complete darkness into the bathroom without alerting me or my dog next to the only door. He mistook the clothes hamper for the toilet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34) - you deserved it (2261)

On 03/21/2015 at 6:29pm - misc - by Nexpecto (man) - United States

Today, I found out my son likes to pee in the shower. He stated, "It's okay because dad pees in the sink!" I'm living with a bunch of bears. FML


I agree, your life sucks (2) - you deserved it (4789)

On 02/26/2015 at 6:24am - kids - by showerlover (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31004) - you deserved it (3757)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML


I agree, your life sucks (29557) - you deserved it (2365)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29714) - you deserved it (3262)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29127) - you deserved it (2021)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31974) - you deserved it (2385)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (2583)

On 02/25/2015 at 6:51am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML


I agree, your life sucks (24359) - you deserved it (11637)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was given my yearly evaluation as a cake decorator at Walmart. They said I "was easily the best decorator there" and "the bakery has definitely improved since I got there." In the same conversation they put "unsatisfactory" on my evaluation and denied my raise. FML

Today, I T-boned a woman who pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. According to her, the accident was my fault because she "didn't see" me. FML

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (34096) - you deserved it (11)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: