Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member
About onlychildFTW : You can call me gov'nor.
I'm not a grammar nazi. I'm also not a fan of having my grammar corrected on here. If you get my drift. Wink wink, nudge nudge.
Life is like a rock, it changes through its lifetime until it gets eroded to nothing. Like when we die and rot in the ground.
Really not much else to write. NO GRAMMAR NAZI's! Hydra is welcome though.
The car in my picture is a 2009 Bugatti Veyron 16.4 with a 2008 Mercedes Benz SLR McLaren next to it.
If you read this far I'll tell you my secret, it's...
Yeah, you creep to much. Also, what's with all the topless guy profile pictures on FML? Looking for a date or what?
I'm on blue. :)
No more blue with the new app :'(
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Today, I met the guy I've been talking to online for two years in real life. He tried to convince me to have his children because they would be average height. He's a midget and I'm 6'2". This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever said to me. FML
Today, I was walking back home from a party, when I received an email from our neighborhood watch. It said to beware, because a "thug-like" stranger with a white shirt and brown hair had entered the neighborhood. My hair is indeed brown and I was wearing a white shirt. FML
Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML
Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Wednesday 13 August 2014