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onlychildFTW

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onlychildFTW

5Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 9 January 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3449
  • Number of comments : 1846
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About onlychildFTW : You can call me gov'nor.

I'm not a grammar nazi. I'm also not a fan of having my grammar corrected on here. If you get my drift. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Life is like a rock, it changes through its lifetime until it gets eroded to nothing. Like when we die and rot in the ground.

Really not much else to write. NO GRAMMAR NAZI's! Hydra is welcome though.

The car in my picture is a 2009 Bugatti Veyron 16.4 with a 2008 Mercedes Benz SLR McLaren next to it.






















If you read this far I'll tell you my secret, it's...


























Yeah, you creep to much. Also, what's with all the topless guy profile pictures on FML? Looking for a date or what?

I'm on blue. :)
No more blue with the new app :'(

onlychildFTW's page activity

Visits<b>joek39</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 9:42am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 4:35pm<b>LeBandit</b> - the 01/21/2015 at 7:43am<b>tepovre</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 5:09pm<b>Turtle_Man</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 12:36pm<b>Reptone30</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 9:34am<b>Brittin8or</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 9:33am<b>marmaries</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 11:54pm<b>kenjah</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 2:16am<b>bmon</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 12:48pm<b>MrsKilown</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 9:06am<b>bcoe</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 7:08am<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 6:54am<b>redmane</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 3:23am<b>IamHercules</b> - the 01/14/2015 at 12:27am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 2:08pm<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 12:26am<b>blinked_281</b> - the 01/09/2015 at 5:48pm

Liked!<b>WarriorOmen</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 5:33am<b>sarah5745</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 2:13pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 11:12pm<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 4:46pm<b>LEGATE_LANIUS</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 4:24am

onlychildFTW's FML badges

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onlychildFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

#21338417
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27619) - you deserved it (5581)

On 01/16/2015 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML

#21336801
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30671) - you deserved it (2561)

On 01/14/2015 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

#21335701
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32042) - you deserved it (11523)

On 01/12/2015 at 11:43am - intimacy - by bowler99 - United States (New York)

Today, thanks to some asswipe drunk driver fleeing the cops the wrong way down a one-way street, I've now had my third wreck this year. My insurance premium's now higher than Bob Marley in a weed factory. FML

#21321099
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31483) - you deserved it (2732)

On 12/20/2014 at 7:53pm - money - by financially_wreckd (man) -

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30922) - you deserved it (8188)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia

Today, it's the last night before a concert. Today is also the day my brother pawned my clarinet for drug money. FML

#21315391
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31810) - you deserved it (2025)

On 12/11/2014 at 12:44am - money - by noshow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

#21313942
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24521) - you deserved it (3647)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

#21312517
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28074) - you deserved it (7178)

On 12/06/2014 at 12:04pm - misc - by newly passed, newly grassed (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

#21311912
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30134) - you deserved it (2903)

On 12/05/2014 at 9:00am - misc - by has an old monitor (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

#21311905
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30878) - you deserved it (6377)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42293) - you deserved it (2991)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while working in a restaurant, a woman told me I was completely incompetent, was the worst hostess she'd ever seen, and that she would call my district manager non-stop until I was fired. I'd clocked in less than 10 minutes before and hadn't said a single word to her. FML

Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for several moments stunned, still pooping. FML

#21308801
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32822) - you deserved it (4231)

On 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by pooplife - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my wife was giving me a blowjob when I foolishly asked her how she got so good at giving them. She looked straight into my eyes and replied, "Practising on about six guys before you." FML

#21308641
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30950) - you deserved it (18122)

On 11/30/2014 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



Idan Schneider's illustrated FML

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  • The Best of the Worst #11
  • Yes, we're late. We've been doing stuff, the New Year and our birthday party got in the way, but there's no excuse. So, we're sorry for not churning out another Best of the Worst in due…

Wednesday 28 January 2015

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