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latte759

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latte759

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  • Number of visits : 142
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latte759's favorite FMLs

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68616) - you deserved it (17863)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML

#20492131
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40974) - you deserved it (4484)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by jdrew32 - United Kingdom (Liverpool)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25390) - you deserved it (6581)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

#20108214
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22608) - you deserved it (4697)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm - love - by hnickell93 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

#19966963
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25555) - you deserved it (4724)

On 07/21/2012 at 3:40am - intimacy - by Lucy - United States (California)

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

#19490705
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24601) - you deserved it (4915) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm - work - by bibou2324 -

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

#19230527
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39192) - you deserved it (2891)

On 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42425) - you deserved it (3724)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found my boyfriend passed out on the floor. Then I passed out, due to anxiety of seeing him passed out. FML

#18823126
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24115) - you deserved it (5482)

On 01/16/2012 at 9:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML

#18579511
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29865) - you deserved it (7644)

On 12/22/2011 at 1:11pm - misc - by Cookie (woman) - South Africa

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

#18433688
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26021) - you deserved it (8426)

On 12/05/2011 at 1:13am - health - by lol (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

#18417405
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27649) - you deserved it (8629)

On 12/03/2011 at 5:03am - misc - by Sam - United States

Today, I had botox injections to stop my face sweating so much. Now the sweat is almost gone, but my facial expression seems to be stuck on "baffled." FML

#18189475
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10885) - you deserved it (32255)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:41pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my parents came to my house for my birthday. My mom backed her car into my motorcycle, knocking it over. She said because it was my birthday I could pay for the damages to her car later. FML

Today, I was taking a dump behind a dumpster. I suddenly heard a noise and a vibration against the dumpster. It was a garbage truck lifting it to collect the trash. The garbage men started laughing and took out their phones. FML

#17365713
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9760) - you deserved it (72266)

On 08/04/2011 at 10:35am - misc - by jshi8 - United States (Maryland)



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