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Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27398) - you deserved it (8372)
On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24561) - you deserved it (1766)
On 09/26/2011 at 1:06pm - love - by happybirthday (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my mother said I am slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution: buying me a vibrator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20241) - you deserved it (5130)
On 09/23/2011 at 2:16am - intimacy - by kdmoney - United States (California)
Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18384) - you deserved it (10525)
On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, to show that he really wanted me to shave myself, my boyfriend pretended to go down on me, but instead of following through, he stuck a wad of gum in my pubic hair and got back up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22174) - you deserved it (25367) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47861) - you deserved it (4812)
On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23449) - you deserved it (10127)
On 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by unicorn - United States (Georgia)
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33926) - you deserved it (6436)
On 09/11/2011 at 11:13am - misc - by CaseyFpC85 - United States (Florida)
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28275) - you deserved it (3192)
On 09/08/2011 at 8:52am - love - by I_dislike_Twilight (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6141) - you deserved it (44169)
On 09/08/2011 at 6:00am - health - by Stuck (man) - United States
Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23376) - you deserved it (2120)
On 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm - kids - by thatoneguy - United States (Texas)
Today, my husband compared me to his parent's dog. Why? Because when I sleep I fart and scare myself awake... Just like his parents dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19738) - you deserved it (6998)
On 09/05/2011 at 3:19pm - animals - by anonomys (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21447) - you deserved it (7074)
On 09/05/2011 at 1:04pm - kids - by kidswithnomanners (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24882) - you deserved it (2404)
On 09/05/2011 at 9:00am - misc - by Brie - United States (Georgia)
Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30668) - you deserved it (2349)
On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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