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Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (28440) - you deserved it (4494)
On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)
Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (2858)
On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States
Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39297) - you deserved it (4874)
On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)
Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29253) - you deserved it (6729)
On 03/23/2013 at 1:44am - love - by SierraDiaz2097 - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I sent a dozen roses and a hand-written, heart-felt note to my ex-girlfriend to show her that I'm still madly in love with her. When I asked if she got the flowers I sent, she replied, "Yeah but you got the wrong color. You should've gotten yellow, that stands for friendship." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25406) - you deserved it (8134)
On 03/07/2013 at 1:07am - love - by Roses are Red - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46503) - you deserved it (3137) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)
Today, I heard a commercial for a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, and transportation services if you cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad my perfect place is a senior center. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (5848)
On 02/20/2013 at 8:54am - misc - by kryan012 - United States (Georgia)
Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32279) - you deserved it (6280)
On 02/19/2013 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22586) - you deserved it (4245)
On 02/17/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27421) - you deserved it (5370)
On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24093) - you deserved it (1105)
On 08/18/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45377) - you deserved it (7530)
On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
I agree, your life sucks (29233) - you deserved it (6966)
On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a restaurant in front of a lot of people. Once I said yes, some guy yelled out, "SEX. SEX. SEX." My boyfriend yelled back, "LATER!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20742) - you deserved it (4374)
On 06/04/2012 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by BooBabe (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I got into a fight with my mom over the chores, and stormed out. When I returned later, I found the house had been egged. My mom told my dad she saw me do it, and he won't believe my side of the story. He says I'll be lucky if I see sunlight this summer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18825) - you deserved it (2643)
On 06/04/2012 at 4:34pm - misc - by cl3v3l4nd5t34m3r (man) - United States (New York)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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