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jared_fantastic

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jared_fantastic
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  • Number of visits : 317
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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jared_fantastic's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

#2396046
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43044) - you deserved it (12229)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:44am - misc - by suckerrrrr (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112154) - you deserved it (5484)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19529) - you deserved it (96057)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML

#809473
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24301) - you deserved it (60034)

On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

#408707
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39279) - you deserved it (183448)

On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58456) - you deserved it (19381)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings-No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right...NO INTEREST." FML

#151605
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22213) - you deserved it (43286)

On 02/27/2009 at 10:18am - love - by Ma.Sa.La. (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

#132176
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19021) - you deserved it (35240)

On 02/25/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by riappp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

#70124
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23975) - you deserved it (49708)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by swtkiss1 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML

#53082
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8579) - you deserved it (63829)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I greeted a mom and a little girl at the place where I work. The little girl looks at me, looks back at her mom, and says, "Mommy, I hate people." FML

#19635
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29049) - you deserved it (1985)

On 02/10/2009 at 12:58am - misc - by neversayhiagain (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2 for 1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

#17181
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36971) - you deserved it (4122)

On 02/09/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by Nator (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML

#9514
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56871) - you deserved it (20112)

On 02/05/2009 at 9:06am - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

#4642
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31214) - you deserved it (4946)

On 02/01/2009 at 10:48am - intimacy - by nicknack22 - United States (Michigan)



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