jared_fantastic

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Offline (the 08/08/2015 at 11:33pm)

jared_fantastic

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  • Number of visits : 825
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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jared_fantastic's page activity

Visits<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 02/10/2013 at 7:47am<b>Lucia_Malpense</b> - the 02/10/2013 at 3:13am

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jared_fantastic's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using the "it's not you, it's me" speech with a slight variation, saying instead, "It's not me, it's you. And yes, I meant to say it that way round." FML

by Jackie Campbell / 07/12/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

by Username / 06/28/2011 at 4:40pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

by Chels / 05/11/2011 at 1:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my dad texted me while I was in school saying, "Your cat vomited. Covered it up with a bowl so you can clean it when you come home." FML

by coolbeans123 / 05/10/2011 at 12:37pm / Singapore / Animals

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

by alchy / 05/02/2011 at 12:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML

by Cecilly2010 / 04/28/2011 at 11:53am / Animals

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

by sosadstudent / 04/20/2011 at 4:52pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

by Anonymous / 04/20/2011 at 3:27am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Animals

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:06am / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

by :| / 04/15/2011 at 10:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

by Jill / 04/09/2011 at 6:00pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on one of my housemates pissing in the kitchen sink full of dirty dishes. FML

Today, I had to take a dump in a box for a stool test. FML

by Maddie / 03/22/2011 at 11:39am / Health

Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML

by B-rent / 03/18/2011 at 12:10pm / United States / Work

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy