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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39344) - you deserved it (12265)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47515) - you deserved it (21373)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41757) - you deserved it (6421)
Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge... while we were crossing a river. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33228) - you deserved it (2453)
On 03/24/2011 at 6:51pm - misc - by phantomdriver - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62311) - you deserved it (11803)
On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41213) - you deserved it (21060)
On 03/22/2011 at 1:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46938) - you deserved it (3261)
On 03/20/2011 at 3:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41081) - you deserved it (6172)
On 03/19/2011 at 12:00pm - kids - by jaimie - United States (Florida)
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14055) - you deserved it (64617)
On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88762) - you deserved it (4719) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I found out that to save on expenses, my wife booked a very small hotel room for ourselves and the kids while we visit Disney World. I've been officially cockblocked by Mickey Mouse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26974) - you deserved it (5940)
On 02/18/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Disney - United States (Louisiana)
Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38749) - you deserved it (10386)
On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44929) - you deserved it (12139)
On 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm - love - by Samyett (woman) - United States
Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24177) - you deserved it (9534)
On 02/09/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by maddie! - United States (New York)
Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8113) - you deserved it (37449)
On 02/07/2011 at 10:47am - health - by Raprotcommander (man) - United States (Georgia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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