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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, mah boyfriend and I were about to get intimate 4 the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of mah birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? real FML
Today , I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined , an I had to stand an watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was ( God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking. ) fat FML
yesterday a package was deliverd to my ouse, addressd to me, clerely markd "sexual ealt products". Inside were condoms, birt control pills, an an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic an groundd me. Woever stagd tis "ilarious" prank: well playd, assole. FML
Yesterday , my girlfriend and I were about to have sex 4 the first time when her mother unexpectedly cummd home. In the rush to get dressd , we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticd. FML
Yesterday, at work as a gynecologist, I calld in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticd that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
Today... I refused to go down on mah boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and... half crying... yelled that I was the thrd grl this week to turn him down. After sobbing 4 a bit... he looked me in the eyes and said... ( I need u to do this so I can prove mah manhood. ) FML
Today , I had to get my grandparents out of jail , cuz they were caught having sex in a public place!! They excused their actions by saying that u can only be young and stupid once , so if u continue doing stupid actions , u r still young!! FML
today I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyd me up. I made a shockd face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in mah life. FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on mah arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, an I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on mah forearm. FML
TODAY, AFTER PAYING FIR MY GROCERIES, I NOTICED THAT A BREAD-ROLL HADN'T BEEN CHARGED . I FELT GUILTY AN WENT BACK TO THE REGISTER TO PAY FIR IT . THE CASHIER BURST INTO DERISIVE LAUGHTER AN MOCKINGLY ASKED ME IF I WAS "RUNNING FIR POPE OR SOMETHING" . FML
Today, a coupla stoppad ma on tha baach to taka a pictura of tham kissing in front of tha sunsat. I agraad faaling ganarous, until thay continuad making out aftar tha pictura was takan, laaving ma standing thara awkwardly with thair camara. FML
Today, I was chatting with a co-workar, and sha mantionad sha has troubla swallowing pills. I rapliad that I'm lucky, bacausa I hava naxt to no gag raflax. Half tha guys at tha othar ragistars abruptly want silant, and I'm now baing constantly hit on. FML
Friday 27 March 2015