Search for a member

Offline (the 10/08/2016 at 1:11am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 6 September 1992 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 10889
  • Number of comments : 1975
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About illmatic2 : I've been here for a while.

I'm really good at minesweeper.

illmatic2's page activity

Visits<b>Draysor</b> - the 10/25/2016 at 9:00pm<b>WP40</b> - the 09/30/2016 at 2:01pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 09/21/2016 at 1:59am<b>Justkidding100</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 12:57am<b>plastix</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 9:36am<b>nikkiluck1</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 10:29am<b>Snip_Snap</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 12:55pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 11:19am<b>BonerFart</b> - the 05/29/2016 at 11:26am<b>junjunbun</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 9:05am<b>KappaTrappa</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 1:54pm<b>itsalanis</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 9:15pm<b>nicebutdim</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 8:28pm<b>Checker</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 6:37pm<b>tweak2011</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 1:26pm<b>MyUsernameKatie</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 1:39am<b>TyroneLeBron</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 3:29am<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 8:26am

Fucked!<b>TyroneLeBron</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 9:30am<b>Avi8r</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 7:40pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 10/12/2015 at 2:40am<b>Avititoe12</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 4:43pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 5:14am<b>BonerFart</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 9:19am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 10:15pm

illmatic2's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of illmatic2's badges

illmatic2's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

by Bailey / 08/22/2010 at 2:58am / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML

by XxMe123xx / 08/18/2010 at 8:51pm / Intimacy

Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML

by dammit / 08/10/2010 at 1:19am / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

by Betchsadface / 07/13/2010 at 12:34am / United States / Animals

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2010 at 3:11pm / United States (Montana) / Animals

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

by Hate2Date / 04/05/2010 at 1:14am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

by liu_kang / 03/16/2010 at 2:55pm / United States / Health

Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

by bathroomblunder / 03/06/2010 at 9:38pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

by sexxibxmami / 02/19/2010 at 1:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

by snickerdoodles / 02/10/2010 at 4:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

by stpdaziandude / 05/08/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

by PicturePerfect / 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

by Evil_Egbert / 02/12/2009 at 6:54am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Intimacy