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illmatic2

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illmatic2
  • Town/Country : ???????, America
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 6 September 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 8788
  • Number of comments : 1971
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About illmatic2 : I've been here for a while.

I'm really good at minesweeper.

illmatic2's last visitors

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illmatic2's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11298) - you deserved it (38758)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

Today, as I was walking my dog, two cute girls from my school were walking towards me on the sidewalk. I thought it would be appropriate to wave and give a smile. My dog thought it would be appropriate to viciously bark at and mount one of the girls. FML

#19343644
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20842) - you deserved it (2705)

On 03/25/2012 at 7:59am - animals - by PicklesMcRaptor - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

#19315515
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20455) - you deserved it (3233)

On 03/20/2012 at 6:33pm - love - by anonymous - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML

#19260782
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19236) - you deserved it (2184)

On 03/11/2012 at 10:49pm - misc - by me (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

#18531059
182 comments

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13307) - you deserved it (37029)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML

#18234990
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23373) - you deserved it (1788)

On 11/13/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

#18112620
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22570) - you deserved it (15018)

On 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm - misc - by yum yogurt - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19194) - you deserved it (32192)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

#18038155
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22395) - you deserved it (2626)

On 10/21/2011 at 11:35am - animals - by Mr.P - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46819) - you deserved it (14937)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML

#17934817
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45300) - you deserved it (7055)

On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

#17854622
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28369) - you deserved it (5286)

On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31367) - you deserved it (3516)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)



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