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About i_wuz_nver_here : I was bored so I made this account. Hi.
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Today, my boyfriend asked me if we were going to become "that stupid couple that sings cheesy songs to each other." I just spent the past 3 months writing the perfect song that I was planning on singing to him tonight. FML
Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML
Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML
Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML
Friday 18 April 2014