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i_wuz_nver_here

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i_wuz_nver_here
  • Town/Country : Seattle, Washington,, America
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13917
  • Number of comments : 571
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

About i_wuz_nver_here : I was bored so I made this account. Hi.

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i_wuz_nver_here's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

#15879930
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29225) - you deserved it (2786)

On 04/21/2011 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

#15877109
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8198) - you deserved it (25258)

On 04/21/2011 at 7:49pm - work - by Clueless (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

#15871654
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28548) - you deserved it (10124)

On 04/21/2011 at 9:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML

#15869241
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29358) - you deserved it (11931)

On 04/21/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by alopez1994 -

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

#15866600
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28796) - you deserved it (1941)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:45pm - misc - by doomed (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I painted a kids room at my new nanny job while the dad "helped" by staring at my ass and telling me how hard it is to position your "junk" correctly when wearing a speedo. First day on the job. FML

#15865508
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34169) - you deserved it (3172)

On 04/20/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML

#15861693
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27407) - you deserved it (3650)

On 04/20/2011 at 4:52pm - misc - by sosadstudent (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28422) - you deserved it (4101)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

#15857597
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30615) - you deserved it (2981)

On 04/20/2011 at 10:15am - work - by rawr -

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

#15855335
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36611) - you deserved it (5184)

On 04/20/2011 at 3:27am - animals - by Anonymous - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I picked up on a telemarketer and started speaking in Portuguese. It turns out that this particular telemarketer spoke it as well. Every time I hung up, he called back. Telemarketers get really excited when they find out someone else speaks their language. FML

#15853054
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26886) - you deserved it (9080)

On 04/19/2011 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

#15831633
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9198) - you deserved it (48720)

On 04/18/2011 at 4:09am - kids - by B (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

#15830049
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34245) - you deserved it (2742)

On 04/18/2011 at 12:46am - kids - by stickyhair (woman) - United States

Today, I went on my first official date I've been on since my divorce. Things were going great until he ordered his fourth 32oz beer; he got hammered and became a horny octopus. Oh, and he farted whiled trying to give me a goodnight kiss. FML

#15804497
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31694) - you deserved it (4014)

On 04/16/2011 at 4:39am - love - by Username - United States

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

#15793085
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57863) - you deserved it (4165)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:38am - love - by ZaraAce (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)



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