About i_wuz_nver_here : I was bored so I made this account. Hi.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13906) - you deserved it (44694)
On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13906) - you deserved it (44694)
On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36391) - you deserved it (10073)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14747) - you deserved it (69512)
On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53748) - you deserved it (12786)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:32am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39853) - you deserved it (2641)
On 05/16/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by notacreep (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was sitting next to this really cute guy in choir class. Trying to make conversation, I asked him what his favorite song was. He replied "Leave Me Alone". I asked him who it was by and he said, "It's not a song, I just want you to leave me alone". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21951) - you deserved it (5873)
On 05/15/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by jayden5 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was standing on the packed bus home when I had a speck of dust in my lenses. As I couldn't rub it out, I tried blinking it out for the next five minutes. Then the hot girl opposite me screams "Stop winking at me, you bastard! Don't even think about it, you ugly fuck!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (1679)
On 05/15/2009 at 1:11pm - misc - by ballerphilip23 (man) - Austria (Wien)
Today, my boyfriend who has been overseas the last four months broke up with me. I sent him a care package two days ago. He'll get homemade cookies (his mom's recipe), naughty videos of me and a letter telling him how much I love him in about a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62497) - you deserved it (4610)
On 05/14/2009 at 2:16pm - love - by bettycrocker (woman) - United States (California)
Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (53875) - you deserved it (4291)
On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my football club gave us all jerseys with our last names on them. My last name is 'Flicker'. The letters are all in uppercase. And the 'L' and the 'I' are joined together at the bottom. My jersey reads 'FUCKER'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96957) - you deserved it (8076)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Flicker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50170) - you deserved it (5197)
On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking to find a public toilet in a Chinese village. While looking for the women's restroom, I stepped on a thin sheet of plastic. I fell into the toilet's waste collection area and found myself knee-deep in the villagers' faeces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57575) - you deserved it (3922)
On 05/13/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by pooped (woman) - China (Beijing)
Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36842) - you deserved it (1917)
On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was taking the AP Biology exam. It’s strictly timed, yet my proctor spent 30 minutes (a third of the time we have) talking about his sexual relationship with his wife, who was also proctoring. I don’t know how I did on the test, but I now know my proctor had erectile dysfunction. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51814) - you deserved it (2143)
On 05/11/2009 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by JSF1234 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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