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Mobility
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Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said it was for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML
I agree, your life sucks (27545) - you deserved it (3118)
On 02/20/2013 at 7:01am - kids - by Laila - United States
Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32449) - you deserved it (6285)
On 02/19/2013 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29265) - you deserved it (2723)
On 02/19/2013 at 2:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13639) - you deserved it (36563)
On 02/19/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9826) - you deserved it (25045)
On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12658) - you deserved it (37164)
On 02/16/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by uhoh (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (2093)
On 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)
Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33715) - you deserved it (3406)
On 02/15/2013 at 1:07am - love - by RosesAreRed (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26833) - you deserved it (3496)
On 02/13/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23033) - you deserved it (1907)
On 02/13/2013 at 12:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9854) - you deserved it (21276)
On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21899) - you deserved it (1928)
On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28111) - you deserved it (4930)
On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27772) - you deserved it (2131)
On 02/10/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by Totallyscrewed - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31045) - you deserved it (3107)
On 02/09/2013 at 7:00am - intimacy - by Lois - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Monday 20 May 2013
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