entwinedrose

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entwinedrose

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 9 October 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 619
  • Number of comments : 6
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About entwinedrose : It seems like there are four mandatory topics on FML profiles.
1. Something about yourself.
I'm cynical. I have been cynical my whole life. Believe me, I was the most cynical 5 year old you could imagine. I am an English nerd, grammar nazi, nerd and a gamer. I aspire to be a dragon rider some day.
2. Something insignificant about yourself.
I am morally against oranges, summer, Twitter, and blowing your nose. I think that raking leaves is the most redundant of boring tasks.
3. A history of how you joined FML
I joined FML for no real reason other than to comment and thumb comments, though I was always too lazy to go onto the computer after I clicked "activate" on my phone, and the email would expire. I finally activated it the day before my birthday, 10/8/2012.
4. Your messaging availability.
I'm on the app. I will rarely answer your messages, but it might be nice to hear from strangers. I do love strangers. Especially the dangerous ones.

entwinedrose's page activity

Visits<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 11:24pm<b>Screwie</b> - the 01/11/2013 at 3:53pm

entwinedrose's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of entwinedrose's badges

entwinedrose's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

by / 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

by bacon lovers worst nightmare / 09/26/2012 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 8:03am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML

by somebody / 06/08/2012 at 7:13pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter was still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" FML

by Aldoch / 05/30/2012 at 6:41pm / Kids

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 8:38am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be funny to pee on a small bug in the toilet. A much larger bug thought it would be funny to fly into my eye while I was doing this. FML

by stupidbug. / 04/09/2012 at 4:28am / Canada / Animals

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

by Kayla / 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm / United States / Health

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

by kal / 02/28/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

by Anonymous / 01/28/2012 at 12:09pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2012 at 8:20am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

by bellerz14 / 12/22/2011 at 9:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML

by bathtime / 12/20/2011 at 11:32pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

by John W. / 10/12/2011 at 8:37am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

by confused / 09/28/2011 at 12:55am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy