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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16764) - you deserved it (1328)
On 06/14/2012 at 4:11am - misc - by offended (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9800) - you deserved it (15685)
On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)
Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7166) - you deserved it (21345)
On 06/10/2012 at 2:24am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18968) - you deserved it (2259)
On 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by BrianTheLion89 - United States
Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11072) - you deserved it (23412)
On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15224) - you deserved it (3671)
On 05/17/2012 at 12:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20856) - you deserved it (1713)
On 05/13/2012 at 11:14pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14936) - you deserved it (3464)
On 05/12/2012 at 10:36am - work - by picklet (woman) - Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan)
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12037) - you deserved it (20260)
On 05/08/2012 at 7:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I had my headphones on while on the bus. I didn't realize how loud the music was till the woman sitting next to me punched me for changing her favorite song and then "ignoring her" when she asked me to put it back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16021) - you deserved it (6151)
On 04/28/2012 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while I was at work in a machine shop, I cut myself really bad. Not by any sharp tools, drills, or metals I work with. Just the soap dispenser. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14025) - you deserved it (3269)
On 04/27/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Bullocks (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28736) - you deserved it (2411)
On 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by lindsaykay - United States
Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24561) - you deserved it (1906)
On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9721) - you deserved it (40031) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13358) - you deserved it (34277)
On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 17 June 2013
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