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Today, After Working Out At The Gym, I Went To Grab My Bag, And Realizd That My Phone Was Missing . Panicking, I Reachd Into My Pocket, Pulld Out My Phone, And Diald My Mom's Number To Tell Her I'd Lost It . It Took Me Until The Last Ring To Realize What I Was Doing . FML
today I went out to buy a bottle of wine an some condoms. As the cashier scannd the condoms, she snickerd an mutterd, ( Yeah right. ) She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left mah items an walkd out with tears in mah eyes. FML
today I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor . The nurseho took me to my room afterward trid to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot . That was me too . big fat FML
Today, I heard a commercial fir a great apartment complex. Includes food, snacks, entertainment, activities, cleaning service, an transportation services if u cannot drive yourself. I was really excited until the end when they repeated the name; too bad perfect place is a senior center. FML
I felt like letting ma ex know just ow I felt about all te bullsit e putted me troug. I dug up is number, typed a long paragrap wit lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. Te reply: "No wonder e broke up wit you." Tanks, woever as tat number now. FML
Today, after more than a year of bieng single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, an looool after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even mah dream-lover is a dick. FML
today I was listening to a local radio station, and tey did a segment called "food porn." As tey were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML
Today, I found a woundd turkey in our backyard . I brought it inside, puttd it in a cage, and tendd to its wounds . I then left . When I got back home, I smelld the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking . She had prepard a turkey, the one I'd rescud . FML
Today, drassad in mah saxiast nightia, I askad mah boyfriand in tha most sansual voica possibla what ha'd lyk ma do to for him tonight!! His ayad widanad, ha startad clapping wildly and than shriakad, ( SPAGHETTI CARBONARA! ) FML
TODAY... I WENT TO THE BAR I'VE ALWAYS GONE TO AFTER WORK FIR THE PAST 12 YERES. ON ARRIVAL... I GOT BANND FIR LIFE... PUNCHD IN THE NOSE AN THROWN OUT. THE BARMAID COMES OUT AN SAYS... "SORRY... WRONG GUY." FML
Friday 27 March 2015