Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

derpster

Offline (the 10/05/2014 at 1:39am) | Search for a member

derpster

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1027
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About derpster : hello, stalker. i'm derpster.
YES THAT IS MY REAL NAME.
my hobbies include FML, trolling and...
that's about it.
use "their" "they're" and "there" correctly.
and prepare to be corrected if you don't.
also, i have an passionate respect for:
•DocBastard
•Flockz
•Perdix
•MrMisfit
•Derpstra (wifey)
•Shroomsonacid
•Graham11
•Gurggle :-)
and your firstborn child.
chuck norris also.

hugs & kisses.

derpster's page activity

Visits<b>Slasher2977</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 8:15am<b>SailorSolaris</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 12:58am<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 11:05pm<b>wopchop12</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 8:12pm<b>itsb_freed</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 9:08am<b>CarlosDanger</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 12:22pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:40pm<b>myoukei</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 7:37pm<b>drewTheMan</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 11:53pm<b>brittany310</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 12:55pm<b>drewski_14</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 9:24pm<b>MateRicks</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 5:05pm<b>MandyCat484</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 11:58pm<b>Fireashes250</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 5:16pm<b>Snowboardguy22</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 6:41pm<b>JoonBee</b> - the 01/26/2012 at 6:45pm<b>urcadox</b> - the 01/21/2012 at 5:46am<b>SirEBC</b> - the 01/14/2012 at 10:27pm

derpster's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of derpster's badges

derpster's favorite FMLs

Today, mah son learned that when u slide a mug acros the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where u expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto mah crotch. FML

#18972583
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23788) - you deserved it (3020)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm - kids - by Bruce (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today... ma wife made a joke about te size of ma package... so figuring all's fair in love and war... I bougt looool some laxatives to prank er wit. Tey took a lot longer to work tan I tougt... and I ended up lying in bed... listening to ma wife sitting er guts out in te batroom 4 over an our.

#18929275
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you deserved it (51633)

On 01/27/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by smith (man) - United Kingdom (York)

yesterday I got stuck for ahile in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic , but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

#18906586
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19683) - you deserved it (1830)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:50am - work - by replik - Russian Federation

Today,hile in the middle of giving my husband a blow job , I lookd up to see him staring into space an vigorously picking his nose. real FML

#18864216
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34681) - you deserved it (5753)

On 01/20/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by suffersecks - United States

Today , my boyfriend told me that he feels empty insidehen I'm not in the kitchen. This is the most romantic thing he has said to me in the past two years. FML

#18804066
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23402) - you deserved it (5903)

On 01/14/2012 at 9:31am - love - by iheartmorons - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a guy took me to meet his parent on a second date. I stopped answering his calls afterwards, but he's just left me a voice-mail informing me that he's in love with me. I'm scared. mega FML

#18793920
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25357) - you deserved it (8379)

On 01/13/2012 at 7:45am - love - by Jessch15 - United States (Texas)

Today, I Was Cooking With Super Hot Ghost Peppers. The Package Said "After Handling Them Not To Touch Your Eyes, Nose Or Pets". They Should've Added "penis" To That List. FML

#18729935
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12136) - you deserved it (55813)

On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried exercising. Myhole house shook. FML

#18691343
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25774) - you deserved it (13161)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today , mah daughter brought her new boyfriend over fir dinner. I realize now y she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

#18689614
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43878) - you deserved it (3181)

On 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that, aftar offaring to fill out my studant aid application fir ma, my mothar sant all of my parsonal information to a scam sita instaad . FML

#18682352
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28204) - you deserved it (4038)

On 01/02/2012 at 1:45am - money - by ... - United States

Yesterday , while shopping at Wal-Mart , a guy grabbed mah butt. When I turned around to slap him , he shook his head , said "Nice ass but such an ugly face" , then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

#18667019
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31532) - you deserved it (7636)

On 12/31/2011 at 7:51pm - misc - by thathurt (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went an took a shower, an as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called mah friend 4 help, an after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked an sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he looool an I had met. FML

#18666751
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (2294)

On 12/31/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by Lotje13 - Hungary (Budapest)

Today , mah mom convinced me that she and mah dad were getting divorced!! I have anxiety problems , so I had a looool panic attack!! She then laughed , and said , "Just kidding , I wanted to see yur reaction!! It's the best so far." FML

#18622971
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32712) - you deserved it (3491)

On 12/27/2011 at 4:42am - health - by somewhatlucky - United States (California)

Taday I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog looool up . After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelld back that it was my dog that was barking . He was right . FML

#18622052
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7014) - you deserved it (48507)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Yo mom - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutc oven, wit my own fart. FML

#18617290
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7937) - you deserved it (35101)

On 12/26/2011 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: