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derpster
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 666
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About derpster : hello, stalker. i'm derpster.
YES THAT IS MY REAL NAME.
my hobbies include FML, trolling and...
that's about it.
use "their" "they're" and "there" correctly.
and prepare to be corrected if you don't.
also, i have an passionate respect for:
•DocBastard
•Flockz
•Perdix
•MrMisfit
•Derpstra (wifey)
•Shroomsonacid
•Graham11
•Gurggle :-)
and your firstborn child.
chuck norris also.

hugs & kisses.

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derpster's favorite FMLs

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

#18972583
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20700) - you deserved it (2710)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm - kids - by Bruce (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

#18929275
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6031) - you deserved it (48063)

On 01/27/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by smith (man) - United Kingdom (York)

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

#18906586
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18250) - you deserved it (1703)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:50am - work - by replik - Russian Federation

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

#18864216
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (5058)

On 01/20/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by suffersecks - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he feels empty inside when I'm not in the kitchen. This is the most romantic thing he has said to me in the past two years. FML

#18804066
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21572) - you deserved it (5657)

On 01/14/2012 at 9:31am - love - by iheartmorons - United Kingdom (London)

Today, a guy took me to meet his parents on a second date. I stopped answering his calls afterwards, but he's just left me a voice-mail informing me that he's in love with me. I'm scared. FML

#18793920
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22870) - you deserved it (8027)

On 01/13/2012 at 7:45am - love - by Jessch15 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

#18729935
363 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10379) - you deserved it (50674)

On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

#18691343
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23024) - you deserved it (12258)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

#18689614
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41341) - you deserved it (2995)

On 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out that, after offering to fill out my student aid application for me, my mother sent all of my personal information to a scam site instead. FML

#18682352
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22655) - you deserved it (3436)

On 01/02/2012 at 1:45am - money - by ... - United States

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

#18667019
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27309) - you deserved it (6920)

On 12/31/2011 at 7:51pm - misc - by thathurt (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

#18666751
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23146) - you deserved it (2051)

On 12/31/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by Lotje13 - Hungary (Budapest)

Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML

#18622971
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29460) - you deserved it (3217)

On 12/27/2011 at 4:42am - health - by somewhatlucky - United States (California)

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

#18622052
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6275) - you deserved it (45682)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Yo mom - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

#18617290
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6938) - you deserved it (32115)

On 12/26/2011 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous - United States



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