derpster

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Offline (the 10/05/2014 at 1:39am)

derpster

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1276
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 17 posted

About derpster : hello, stalker. i'm derpster.
YES THAT IS MY REAL NAME.
my hobbies include FML, trolling and...
that's about it.
use "their" "they're" and "there" correctly.
and prepare to be corrected if you don't.
also, i have an passionate respect for:
•DocBastard
•Flockz
•Perdix
•MrMisfit
•Derpstra (wifey)
•Shroomsonacid
•Graham11
•Gurggle :-)
and your firstborn child.
chuck norris also.

hugs & kisses.

derpster's page activity

Visits<b>KarSkittle</b> - the 06/23/2016 at 9:57pm<b>ThuNDeY</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 8:00pm<b>sureshadow</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 1:40pm<b>Slasher2977</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 8:15am<b>SailorSolaris</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 12:58am<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 11:05pm<b>wopchop12</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 8:12pm<b>itsb_freed</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 9:08am<b>CarlosDanger</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 12:22pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:40pm<b>myoukei</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 7:37pm<b>drewTheMan</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 11:53pm<b>brittany310</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 12:55pm<b>drewski_14</b> - the 02/22/2014 at 9:24pm<b>MateRicks</b> - the 01/25/2014 at 5:05pm<b>MandyCat484</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 11:58pm<b>Fireashes250</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 5:16pm<b>Snowboardguy22</b> - the 08/13/2013 at 6:41pm

derpster's FML badges

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of derpster's badges

derpster's favorite FMLs

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

by Bruce / 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML

by smith / 01/27/2012 at 10:13pm / United Kingdom (York) / Health

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

by replik / 01/25/2012 at 10:50am / Russian Federation / Work

Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML

by suffersecks / 01/20/2012 at 6:54pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me that he feels empty inside when I'm not in the kitchen. This is the most romantic thing he has said to me in the past two years. FML

by iheartmorons / 01/14/2012 at 9:31am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, a guy took me to meet his parents on a second date. I stopped answering his calls afterwards, but he's just left me a voice-mail informing me that he's in love with me. I'm scared. FML

by Jessch15 / 01/13/2012 at 7:45am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I found out that, after offering to fill out my student aid application for me, my mother sent all of my personal information to a scam site instead. FML

by ... / 01/02/2012 at 1:45am / United States / Money

Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML

by thathurt / 12/31/2011 at 7:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

by Lotje13 / 12/31/2011 at 7:19pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML

by somewhatlucky / 12/27/2011 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

by Yo mom / 12/27/2011 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2011 at 5:00pm / United States / Love