About derpster : hello, stalker. i'm derpster.
YES THAT IS MY REAL NAME.
my hobbies include FML, trolling and...
that's about it.
use "their" "they're" and "there" correctly.
and prepare to be corrected if you don't.
also, i have an passionate respect for:
•DocBastard
•Flockz
•Perdix
•MrMisfit
•Derpstra (wifey)
•Shroomsonacid
•Graham11
•Gurggle :-)
and your firstborn child.
chuck norris also.
hugs & kisses.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16746) - you deserved it (2028)
On 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm - kids - by Bruce (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5020) - you deserved it (37276)
On 01/27/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by smith (man) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14638) - you deserved it (1263)
On 01/25/2012 at 10:50am - work - by replik - Russian Federation
Today, while in the middle of giving my husband a blow job, I looked up to see him staring into space and vigorously picking his nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26200) - you deserved it (4062)
On 01/20/2012 at 6:54pm - intimacy - by suffersecks - United States
Today, my boyfriend told me that he feels empty inside when I'm not in the kitchen. This is the most romantic thing he has said to me in the past two years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17676) - you deserved it (4403)
On 01/14/2012 at 9:31am - love - by iheartmorons - United Kingdom (London)
Today, a guy took me to meet his parents on a second date. I stopped answering his calls afterwards, but he's just left me a voice-mail informing me that he's in love with me. I'm scared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18682) - you deserved it (6229)
On 01/13/2012 at 7:45am - love - by Jessch15 - United States (Texas)
Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9824) - you deserved it (48630)
On 01/06/2012 at 9:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19419) - you deserved it (9489)
On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36918) - you deserved it (2323)
On 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I found out that, after offering to fill out my student aid application for me, my mother sent all of my personal information to a scam site instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20910) - you deserved it (2802)
On 01/02/2012 at 1:45am - money - by ... - United States
Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face", then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25900) - you deserved it (5819)
On 12/31/2011 at 7:51pm - misc - by thathurt (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19296) - you deserved it (1507)
On 12/31/2011 at 7:19pm - misc - by Lotje13 - Hungary (Budapest)
Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25444) - you deserved it (2550)
On 12/27/2011 at 4:42am - health - by somewhatlucky - United States (California)
Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5326) - you deserved it (35196)
On 12/27/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Yo mom - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a dutch oven, with my own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6221) - you deserved it (25161)
On 12/26/2011 at 5:00pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
