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cookiesFTW

Offline (the 09/12/2014 at 9:13pm) | Search for a member

cookiesFTW

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2772
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookiesFTW : Hello everyone!! I like to come on this site to read Fmls when I'm bored. I have good sense of humor, I'm really friendly and love cats. I do have hearing aids but that doesn't make me any different than anyone else.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

cookiesFTW's page activity

Visits<b>abdiG</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 7:56pm<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 5:58pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 2:12pm<b>CottonCandyQueen</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 8:08pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 2:39pm<b>SweetSwede</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 12:34am<b>AlaskanG</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm<b>nerovetsrethca</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 7:52pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:03am<b>dmblonde</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 12:18am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 02/09/2014 at 5:06pm<b>amandathecreator</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 1:39pm<b>fmlxxsb</b> - the 01/24/2014 at 6:58pm<b>samquenda</b> - the 01/24/2014 at 5:30pm<b>chylew</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 12:12am<b>SwimmerBoy16</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 3:57pm<b>immenselyalive</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 11:42am<b>FerretFTW</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 12:43am

cookiesFTW's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of cookiesFTW's badges

cookiesFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28599) - you deserved it (4784)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my 7 month check up for my pregnancy. The nurse weighed me and said, "I see you've gotten into the Halloween candy." FML

#20137716
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19542) - you deserved it (3336)

On 10/28/2012 at 9:53pm - health - by monkeylover996 (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24250) - you deserved it (13665)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

#20121974
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24485) - you deserved it (2282)

On 10/18/2012 at 12:58am - work - by satanworshipper - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

#19991371
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23537) - you deserved it (6069)

On 07/29/2012 at 8:25pm - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother was leaving the house to attend her sister's funeral. Just as she was walking out the door, my brain experienced the most horrific shart imaginable, and I uttered through my reassuring smile, "Have a blast." FML

#19915289
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7999) - you deserved it (20895)

On 07/09/2012 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML

#19913631
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7354) - you deserved it (31563)

On 07/09/2012 at 6:37am - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I learned that instead of training my cat, she has been training me. She now refuses to drink anything but running tap water, and yowls loudly early in the morning at my bedroom door to be fed. FML

#19773709
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15527) - you deserved it (6988)

On 06/11/2012 at 10:40pm - animals - by Anon127 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got a new pair of glasses, and was driving home. While waiting at a stop sign, I noticed a homeless guy touching himself. He saw me, smiled and waved, and then continued. So much for my new eyesight. FML

#19771597
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23069) - you deserved it (2309)

On 06/11/2012 at 4:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

#19725965
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36475) - you deserved it (3369)

On 06/03/2012 at 10:21am - love - by Matt - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

#19725175
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21922) - you deserved it (4297)

On 06/03/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by ilovezim29 - United States (California)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14975) - you deserved it (28401)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

#19719129
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35965) - you deserved it (2598)

On 06/02/2012 at 1:43am - misc - by ironyisabitch - United States (California)

Today, I was admitted to hospital for suspected kidney failure. I called my best friend to let her know I couldn't make it to her birthday party tonight. She seemed to be infinitely more upset that I wouldn't be able to give her a birthday present. FML

#19715534
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21171) - you deserved it (1722)

On 06/01/2012 at 1:58pm - health - by Ashe (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was admitted to hospital for suspected kidney failure. I called my best friend to let her know I couldn't make it to her birthday party tonight. She seemed to be infinitely more upset that I wouldn't be able to give her a birthday present. FML

#19715534
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21171) - you deserved it (1722)

On 06/01/2012 at 1:58pm - health - by Ashe (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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  • So, is everyone back from their vacation? Can we get back to regular programming? No? OK, I get it. You're all still crying about not being at the beach any more, well, I am anyway. And this time of year…

Thursday 11 September 2014

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