Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cookiesFTW

Offline (the 03/02/2015 at 5:48am) | Search for a member

cookiesFTW

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4622
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookiesFTW : Hello everyone!! I like to come on this site to read Fmls when I'm bored. I have good sense of humor, I'm really friendly and love cats. I do have hearing aids but that doesn't make me any different than anyone else.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

cookiesFTW's page activity

Visits<b>amandathecreator</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 10:57am<b>nerovetsrethca</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 6:05pm<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 2:08pm<b>Bukowskiwasanass</b> - the 11/15/2014 at 4:32pm<b>miichiii</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 12:54pm<b>Horsempeg</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 1:32am<b>Izzyduck07</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 1:41pm<b>Ley135</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 4:06am<b>devildog562</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 4:44pm<b>yasmineseijmon</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 4:09pm<b>tyger_devlin</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 1:17pm<b>abdiG</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 7:56pm<b>MzZombicidal</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 2:12pm<b>CottonCandyQueen</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 8:08pm<b>DubiousDude69</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 2:39pm<b>AlaskanG</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 11:18pm<b>krupa1017</b> - the 03/27/2014 at 12:03am<b>dmblonde</b> - the 02/26/2014 at 12:18am

Liked!<b>nerovetsrethca</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 12:05am<b>amandathecreator</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 4:11pm

cookiesFTW's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of cookiesFTW's badges

cookiesFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, my aunt came into the world. My 67 year-old grandfather married a 24 year-old woman who just gave birth to my new aunt, who is 18 years younger than me. FML

#6117794
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42585) - you deserved it (3263)

On 11/02/2009 at 11:10am - misc - by notsohappyniece (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, as I stopped at a traffic light, I noticed the man in the car next to me break out in laughter. I pulled over later on to see that someone had drawn a large penis on the side of my van. I then spent all my morning cleaning it off. I went outside later only to see someone had redrawn it. FML

#6098895
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34872) - you deserved it (3102)

On 11/01/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by WasteOfTime (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

#5937584
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30921) - you deserved it (6401)

On 10/21/2009 at 10:58pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

#5921538
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7406) - you deserved it (53903)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML

#5868589
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42125) - you deserved it (4454)

On 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm - kids - by hamster cookie - Sent from mobile version

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML

#5848296
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38045) - you deserved it (2619)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:20am - misc - by xXx (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to pretend to give birth in a play. I wanted to make it a realistic as possible but ended up crapping myself on stage by accident. FML

#5774504
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54591) - you deserved it (27646)

On 10/11/2009 at 11:42am - misc - by oxjessiiox (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, my boyfriend texted me telling me how much he loved me, and that he wanted my virginity. We have already done it. I don't think he meant to send that text to me. FML

#5763126
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26812) - you deserved it (2226)

On 10/10/2009 at 7:21pm - intimacy - by screwed.over (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

#5645796
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37585) - you deserved it (3347)

On 10/04/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by walker (man) - United States (California)

Today, it was my wedding day. Everything went great, except that no one showed up. Apparently, the address of the invitation was typed wrong. FML

#5581956
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35772) - you deserved it (15250)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by notmarriedyet (woman) - United States (Georgia) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

#5541044
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67843) - you deserved it (2825)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, there was a fire alarm in my dorm. Just as I was leaving my room, a lady in the hallway told me that it was a drill and they'd be inspecting rooms, so I would need to leave my door unlocked. When I came back, my room was trashed and my laptop, speakers, and jewelry were gone. FML

#5406145
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36190) - you deserved it (14915)

On 09/21/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by zzyx (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, "while we're here, I might as well get a trim too." My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, "Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair!" FML

#5327120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30459) - you deserved it (6018)

On 09/18/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by ben (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

#5272541
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38360) - you deserved it (3056)

On 09/15/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Stuckism (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, my Grandmother was sent to the ER. My family blamed it on her being allergic to my cats, making me feel guilty. She just called me to tell me the test results informed her that she is actually allergic to the carrot cake they got her. I gave my cats away 15 minutes ago to a little girl. FML

#5148026
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41670) - you deserved it (7207)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by hwood (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: