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cookiesFTW

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cookiesFTW
  • Town/Country : Ontario, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1571
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cookiesFTW : Hello everyone!! I like to come on this site to read Fmls when I'm bored. I have good sense of humor, I'm really friendly and love cats. I do have hearing aids but that doesn't make me any different than anyone else.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk.

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This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

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cookiesFTW's favorite FMLs

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

#21062645
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44120) - you deserved it (8621)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by bruisedandconfused (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36754) - you deserved it (7880)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29678) - you deserved it (45269)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56268) - you deserved it (3758)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

#21056381
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42115) - you deserved it (4717)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20516) - you deserved it (54276)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML

#21031092
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50622) - you deserved it (7056)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by lauralai22 (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

#21019231
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54285) - you deserved it (6698)

On 01/06/2014 at 4:32pm - misc - by innocent - Australia

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

#20992530
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41868) - you deserved it (3439)

On 12/14/2013 at 5:39pm - misc - by bnc (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

#20959913
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38491) - you deserved it (2463)

On 11/16/2013 at 3:18pm - misc - by gonnafail (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

#20954898
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19395) - you deserved it (41486)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:18am - love - by awkwardencounters - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

#20953788
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52090) - you deserved it (3465)

On 11/11/2013 at 10:55am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML

Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML

#20948176
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23993) - you deserved it (31585)

On 11/06/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by nevergoingtopeeagain - United States (Texas)



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