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chood22

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chood22

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chood22's favorite FMLs

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

#2933331
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50318) - you deserved it (4596)

On 06/16/2009 at 3:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "And she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

#2674765
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47240) - you deserved it (2962)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:25pm - kids - by Shelly (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
403 comments

I agree, your life sucks (358997) - you deserved it (17970)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to a fast-food joint and ordered off the $1.00 menu to save money. Five hours later I go to the hospital with food-poisoning. After a whole day of not eating, crapping, puking, having tests, and a bunch of IV fluids, my $1.00 burger ended up costing me $2,000 in bills. Really. FML

#1547778
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158180) - you deserved it (23987)

On 05/02/2009 at 12:56am - health - by Sick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

#1068348
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (153351) - you deserved it (8469)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm - intimacy - by gringa_Peru (woman) - Peru (Lima)

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
687 comments

I agree, your life sucks (703028) - you deserved it (55985)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

#896114
412 comments

I agree, your life sucks (221920) - you deserved it (27699)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

#800425
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (285176) - you deserved it (19115)

On 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm - intimacy - by GuitarChick42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

#721846
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (176819) - you deserved it (11885)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, we got our yearbooks for school. I opened to my profile to see that they misspelled my first name which is James. They wrote Lames. FML

#598465
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147235) - you deserved it (11595)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:32pm - misc - by rusty2020 (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

#574471
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (249653) - you deserved it (42026)

On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)



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