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Chood22's favorite FMLs

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

By anonymous / Wednesday 27 March 2013 23:55 / United States - Honolulu

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

By cay / Wednesday 30 January 2013 19:59 / United States - Holley

Today, I learned it's a bad idea to text and smoke while drunk, because there is an increased risk of throwing your phone off the balcony and sticking your cigarette into your pocket. FML

By anonymous / Wednesday 30 January 2013 10:13 / United States - Richardson

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

By legitweirdo / Tuesday 8 January 2013 04:16 / United States - Brooklyn

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

By well, i am now - / Friday 28 December 2012 00:24 / United States