chood22

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chood22

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 817
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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50 favourites

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chood22's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML

by ScoozieBooze / 12/20/2012 at 1:17pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

by doblex / 12/20/2012 at 6:19am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

by dudeyouarefired / 12/20/2012 at 3:16am / Miscellaneous

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

by julia / 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was mugged at gunpoint by a senior citizen. She now has a lousy $20, and I probably have PTSD. FML

by stillshakinggd / 11/28/2012 at 4:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

by boo8713 / 11/28/2012 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

by bored / 11/27/2012 at 1:05pm / United States / Work

Today, I awoke in the midst of the night to find my half-naked dad drunkenly arguing with the microwave. FML

by mountains / 11/18/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

by besviken / 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Intimacy

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 7:13am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

by Danny / 11/11/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

by monkers / 10/06/2012 at 3:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 2:22pm / United Kingdom (Wokingham) / Kids