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Today, I bought an expensive video game and decided to show it off and post a photo of it on Instagram. When I got home to play it, it rejected my activation key. I then realised it was showing in the Instagram post. FML
Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML
Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML
Friday 3 July 2015