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carmel1110's FML badges
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
carmel1110's favorite FMLs
Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML
by is there a environmental scientist in the house? / 03/05/2013 at 3:48am / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I woke up to find that my parents had replaced my regular alarm clock with a walking one that requires you to get up and find it. The alarm was set to 5:00AM, which would have been fine if it wasn't the weekend. FML
by Anonymous / 03/04/2013 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by nopanties / 03/04/2013 at 12:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by DEATHBYEX1LE / 03/04/2013 at 12:01am / Australia / Love
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
by JimmyT / 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work
Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
by phatdaddy62 / 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML
by UnluckyInk / 02/18/2013 at 3:50am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
by bettercallpeta / 02/15/2013 at 12:42am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm / United States (Oregon) / Money
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…
- Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…