About blackwidowtaco : Shit happens.
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Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39361) - you deserved it (10319)
On 05/21/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by mperrotta913 (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32734) - you deserved it (2402)
On 05/08/2010 at 6:07am - intimacy - by notmydad. (woman) - Philippines (Manila)
Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6374) - you deserved it (23006)
On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boss told me that if I didn't become his neighbor on Farmville I wouldn't have a job. I laughed. He didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22767) - you deserved it (1796)
On 02/27/2010 at 11:07am - work - by Anon - United States
Today, while eating at an outdoor café, a man on the street came up to me and said, "My girlfriend is sexier than you, bitch." Thanks for the confidence boost. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21587) - you deserved it (1706)
On 02/22/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by sandiego - United States (Texas)
Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a beer belly. And it makes your already tiny willy look even tinier." All her accusations are true. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14889) - you deserved it (4770)
On 02/21/2010 at 6:52am - intimacy - by foutu - Sent from mobile version
Today, I went in to a job interview with 6 other girls my age. I tried to sit down on a chair exactly like the ones every other girl was sitting on. Then, one of the interviewers offered to get me a more "sturdy" chair. For the entire interview, I got to sit in the "fat girl chair". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18150) - you deserved it (7153)
On 02/11/2010 at 3:15pm - misc - by HellaBomber91 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was in the car with my cousin and we saw a family of three. They where all really fat and the lady was holding 2 boxes of pizza. I decided to roll down the window and scream "fatasses" as loud as I could while my cousin drove off. They were going to the same house we were. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4426) - you deserved it (61675)
On 01/31/2010 at 2:03am - misc - by lauris1306 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24420) - you deserved it (3664)
On 01/24/2010 at 2:32pm - love - by firstdate (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was telling my cousin about my boyfriend, who plays guitar and sings very well, has dark hair, and wears girl pants. After telling her these things, she's quiet for a moment before she looks at me and says, "So... You're dating a Jonas brother?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (6297) - you deserved it (28698)
On 01/16/2010 at 4:05pm - misc - by kikinemo (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I realized that I have been playing a little too much Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I realized this when I was watching a youtube video and there was someone walking in the background who I impulsively tried to gun down and kill by moving my mouse over him and clicking repeatedly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4662) - you deserved it (27042)
On 01/02/2010 at 1:17am - misc - by Laughluv (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML
I agree, your life sucks (33696) - you deserved it (2416)
On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on ebay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7344) - you deserved it (18997)
On 12/11/2009 at 8:31pm - misc - by graospe (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12651) - you deserved it (3409)
On 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by niquey62307 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was watching my 7 year old daughter and her friend jump on our trampoline. I was really impressed by all the flips they were doing, and I told her "Hey! I can't even do that." To that her friend replied " Of course you can't. You're fat!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26195) - you deserved it (6747)
On 11/25/2009 at 9:43am - kids - by madeyoulaugh (woman) - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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