About blackwidowtaco : Shit happens.
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Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29847) - you deserved it (5020)
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51348) - you deserved it (2560)
On 07/11/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28676) - you deserved it (4016)
On 06/20/2011 at 12:14pm - health - by Me - United States (Florida)
Today, at the DMV, I was told to push my forehead against a vision testing device on the counter to activate a blinking light. When nothing happened, the employee started yelling for me to push harder. I tried again, only to knock the whole thing into her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21085) - you deserved it (2136)
On 06/19/2011 at 1:51pm - misc - by sabadaba - United States (Arizona)
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9858) - you deserved it (43837)
On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37527) - you deserved it (2377)
On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the shower head and starts spraying my penis with it. I asked her "what are you doing?" Her response: "I'm watering it to make it grow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (52272) - you deserved it (9882)
On 05/29/2011 at 10:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was babysitting a three year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25642) - you deserved it (10717)
On 05/18/2011 at 6:57am - kids - by JCC (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31647) - you deserved it (3311)
On 05/14/2011 at 1:07am - misc - by IhateThem - United States
Today, I called my mom to tell her that I'm coming over for a visit. She answered: 'Why? What do you need? Food? Money? I'm not going to help you! You're a grown woman!' And she hung up. I just found out that I'm pregnant and she was the first person I wanted to share it with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37749) - you deserved it (3335)
On 03/21/2011 at 3:07am - misc - by kelly (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)
Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (2975)
On 03/05/2011 at 8:42pm - health - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that I have enough driving skills to manage to hit a pothole and have two of my tires go flat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8511) - you deserved it (11310)
On 02/13/2011 at 12:30am - misc - by FlatTire - United States (Colorado)
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44320) - you deserved it (2986)
On 02/05/2011 at 7:02am - misc - by bob - United States (Arizona)
Today, my 14 year old son got suspended and I had to pay for the damage after he sprayed "FUCK THE POLICE" on the back wall of his school. I'm a policeman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31500) - you deserved it (7565)
On 01/28/2011 at 9:25am - kids - by duckthehack (man) - Poland (Wielkopolskie)
Today, I wrote a poem and was very proud of it. I showed it to my mom. After reading it, her response was, "What is this shit?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19823) - you deserved it (4105)
On 01/28/2011 at 1:21am - misc - by snappyPi -
Monday 20 May 2013
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