About blackwidowtaco : Shit happens.
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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blackwidowtaco's favorite FMLs
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML
by Purplexus / 01/02/2014 at 9:13am / Turkey (Ankara) / Miscellaneous
Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2013 at 4:15pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML
by bobosgonnagetyou / 11/01/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/20/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Work
by haveahappyperiod / 10/04/2013 at 5:39am / Miscellaneous
by f.a.t. / 10/04/2013 at 4:20am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Tired / 10/02/2013 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Health
by NotSoTypical / 09/29/2013 at 7:30pm / United States / Money
by -___- / 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/29/2013 at 1:23pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML
by peejay6831 / 09/23/2013 at 2:27am / United States / Work
Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML
by numbnuts / 09/23/2013 at 1:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
by Anonymous / 09/19/2013 at 1:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
- Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime.… Today, I found out the pet name my girlfriend gave my penis wasn't randomly made up after all; it's… Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper.…