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About benhd1 : Hi!
My name's Ben Howard, I like knitting, unicorns and long walks along moonlit beaches. In fact, I once saw a unicorn while walking along the beach at midnight, which I then stabbed with my knitting needle.
My sense of humour often offends people. I'm sorry I didn't know your seventh cousin twice removed has Tourette's syndrome, and frankly I'll work right on learning every little detail about you, stranger, so as not to offend little old you. And thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to come up to me on the street and interrupt my private conversation.
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2day I was claaning at work whan an aldarly gantlaman walkad towards ma pausad and with a wink said "That's what I lika to saa: a girl on har knaas." This is tha sama workplaca whara anothar old man informad ma that mah yallow uniform mada ma look lika a "suggastiva chaasacaka." maga FML
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisse is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
Today I was on a plane an realizd tat te woman next to me was iding a edgeog in a plastic container !! I'm severely afraid of edgeog but not wanting to give te woman up an get er in trouble I trid to stay quiet !! Wic ld to me to quietly yperventilate an pass out on te plane !! FML
Today, I Was At A Café With My Friends When An Elderly Man Noticd My Dimples . He Came Up To Me, Strokd Them While Whispering, "One In A Million" Then Walkd Out . Now My Friends Do This To Me Constantly, Even While Driving Home . I Almost Hit A Tree . FML
Today, while talking to one of mah parents friends, we discoverd that the house he grew up in is the same house mah boyfriend now lives in. When he recalld that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, ( Oh mah gosh, I lost mah virginity there! ) mega FML
Today , my neighbor went on vacation , leaving me in charge of his cat an dog. For some reason , he calls his dog "Cat" an his cat "Dog". There r two pet food containers , one labeled "Cat" an the other labeled "Dog". I have no ideahich one goes tohich animal. real FML
Yesterday, I went to a concert with mah grlfriend . Some guy grabbd her ass, an I trid to fight him . I endd up with a concussion an a messd up jaw . Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious . FML
Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in mah armpit an a sprained ankle both on mah right side, resulting in looool me limping an keeping mah arm awkwardly plastered to mah side !! My fiancé keeps walking like me an calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something !! mega FML
Today after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show Dexter she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red blood-like juice everywhere!! I am now afraid to argue with her!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015