benhd1

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benhd1

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6523
  • Number of comments : 105
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About benhd1 : Hi!
My name's Ben Howard, I like knitting, unicorns and long walks along moonlit beaches. In fact, I once saw a unicorn while walking along the beach at midnight, which I then stabbed with my knitting needle.
My sense of humour often offends people. I'm sorry I didn't know your seventh cousin twice removed has Tourette's syndrome, and frankly I'll work right on learning every little detail about you, stranger, so as not to offend little old you. And thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to come up to me on the street and interrupt my private conversation.

benhd1's page activity

Visits<b>Kitcat1234</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 3:25pm<b>n_a_v_y</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 5:52am<b>panromantic</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 6:40pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 12/02/2015 at 12:09pm<b>tisvana18</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 12:34am<b>AyeMentalJam</b> - the 09/15/2015 at 7:22am<b>dylanj0119</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 9:23pm<b>Fandomtaco</b> - the 07/09/2015 at 5:46pm<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 8:14pm<b>Kitten_love</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 7:17pm<b>TheKasox</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 1:28pm<b>Capriciousfox</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 9:29am<b>mind_geek</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 10:16am<b>llalala</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 2:58am<b>Gemma_Mansonite</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 3:44am<b>guskta</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 12:20pm<b>XxduckiexX</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 7:21pm<b>curticus</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 10:20pm

benhd1's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of benhd1's badges

benhd1's favorite FMLs

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

by haveahappyperiod / 10/04/2013 at 5:39am / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

by EconM / 10/03/2013 at 11:38am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I'm in a military academy with a strict no alcohol policy. My friends drunk call me practically every night to tell me how much fun they are having. FML

by sober judge / 10/02/2013 at 11:46pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

by thanksdoc / 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm / Cyprus (Limassol) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML

by sugarysofalof / 06/13/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML

by instinct / 06/11/2013 at 11:06pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

by lsababy / 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML

by life insurance for 1 / 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 11:20am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Love

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

by Abrams52 / 05/28/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Animals