About benhd1 : Hi!
My name's Ben Howard, I like knitting, unicorns and long walks along moonlit beaches. In fact, I once saw a unicorn while walking along the beach at midnight, which I then stabbed with my knitting needle.
My sense of humour often offends people. I'm sorry I didn't know your seventh cousin twice removed has Tourette's syndrome, and frankly I'll work right on learning every little detail about you, stranger, so as not to offend little old you. And thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to come up to me on the street and interrupt my private conversation.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Socialite
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Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48226) - you deserved it (3174)
On 06/14/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Cyprus (Limassol)
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
I agree, your life sucks (40625) - you deserved it (2560)
On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, a bug buzzed into my ear. In response, I punched myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32249) - you deserved it (23891)
On 06/13/2013 at 12:22am - misc - by sugarysofalof - United States (Colorado)
Today, after years of faking pleasure with my boyfriend, I visited the gynaecologist. As soon as she touched my privates I instinctively let out a fake moan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23664) - you deserved it (55597)
On 06/11/2013 at 11:06pm - intimacy - by instinct (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (49319) - you deserved it (8214)
On 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm - love - by lsababy (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54862) - you deserved it (4110)
On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41426) - you deserved it (3156)
On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55663) - you deserved it (11981)
On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44759) - you deserved it (26669)
On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50030) - you deserved it (5919)
On 05/28/2013 at 1:05am - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45942) - you deserved it (20991)
On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)
Today, I borrowed my boyfriend's laptop. Out of curiosity, I clicked through the bookmarks in his web browser. One of them took me to a site dedicated to sex stories featuring characters from My Little Pony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37832) - you deserved it (14831)
On 05/26/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by bestiality? do I look like a pig? (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29852) - you deserved it (3287)
On 05/22/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by AwkwardHaole808 - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41572) - you deserved it (6920)
On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39862) - you deserved it (2962)
On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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