About alexsandria83 : I hate writing in these "about you" sections... I'm pretty awesome that's all anyone really needs to know ;)
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alexsandria83's favorite FMLs
Today, I waited on a gentleman and his lady friend at my restaurant. They ordered some of the most expensive items on the menu, and I thought I'd get a nice tip. Instead, he tipped me a scrap of paper, containing a drawing of a cock jizzing on a caricature of my face, and the word "Thanks." FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (New York) / Work
Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals
by foops / 02/02/2014 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/02/2014 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "to put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by wasted_gas / 10/05/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 7:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/07/2013 at 12:37am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Kannachan13 / 08/28/2013 at 7:02pm / United States (New York) / Work
by countryblumpkin / 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Bnewlove / 07/31/2013 at 12:50am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I found out why we've had to replace 3 washing machines this year. My sister thinks that "huge capacity" means "load the washing machine until no more clothes will fit." It blows the motor every time. She's 31. FML
by kilamo80 / 07/27/2013 at 5:26am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…