About Xx_Benny73_xX : driving a racecar has been a dream my whole life!
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by MoreActionThanMe / 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm / United States / Animals
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
by HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE / 12/09/2012 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Barking and Dagenham) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 9:53am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, feeling very distant to my daughter recently, I decided to sneak a peek in her diary to see what was on her mind. The book was apparently one of those that play the sound of a woman screaming when opened improperly, and alerted everyone in the house to my actions. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by aerythia / 12/08/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 12:44am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 11:49pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
by FMyEx / 12/06/2012 at 6:50am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML
by goodbye cruel world / 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML
by onlyslightly / 11/30/2012 at 3:33am / United States / Work
by fabs1171 / 11/29/2012 at 12:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by hawksbc / 11/28/2012 at 10:14am / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
by FUSheldon / 11/28/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by nonbelieber / 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by RyanJarmanForPresident / 11/23/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids
- Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by…