About Xx_Benny73_xX : driving a racecar has been a dream my whole life!
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by slayerdeath / 05/20/2012 at 1:19am / United States (Indiana) / Love
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2012 at 7:20pm / Sri Lanka (Western) / Love
by msassy / 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 4:34pm / Netherlands (Limburg) / Love
Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML
by LearnToLive / 05/15/2012 at 11:59am / Holidays
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML
by foreverDark / 05/14/2012 at 8:40am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
by fired / 05/13/2012 at 2:26am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by rawr_fml001 / 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML
by MobPerfect / 05/11/2012 at 9:24am / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
by anamota89 / 05/11/2012 at 5:33am / United States / Love
Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by SomePeoplesKids / 05/08/2012 at 2:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML
by lon01t / 05/07/2012 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids