About Xx_Benny73_xX : driving a racecar has been a dream my whole life!
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Xx_Benny73_xX's favorite FMLs
by speshlk37 / 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 1:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm / United States / Love
by Sarah / 08/17/2012 at 3:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 8:12pm / United States / Love
Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML
by cestquoicebordel?? / 08/14/2012 at 6:50pm / France / Love
Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML
by ugh / 08/14/2012 at 12:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Todd / 08/14/2012 at 12:14pm / United States / Health
Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML
by JAdams / 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
Today, my wife yelled at me for admitting I take my wedding ring off at work. I explained that I work in a chemistry lab and don't want to damage it. She laughed and said, "Oh please, that chemistry stuff is nonsense anyway." All while reading her horoscope. FML
by Dumbfounded / 08/08/2012 at 7:03pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML
by Employee / 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
by TheCerealKiller / 08/07/2012 at 5:19am / United States (California) / Health
by awkwardparents / 08/06/2012 at 4:13am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML
by shastadoe / 08/06/2012 at 2:37am / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…