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Offline (the 09/28/2016 at 5:22am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 6 March 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1421
  • Number of comments : 251
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About VorpikeII : Where to start... I guess by saying that I'm just a normal person,
I'm into Classic Rock, and some new music, my favourite bands are either Pink Floyd or Foo Fighters. My favourite movie is Monty Python and the Holy Grail. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!" I love reading, and being outdoors, although video games are also awesome. I'm also aspiring to become an astro physicist, or a scientist of some sort. I have ADHD, and I think that about sums it all up!

VorpikeII's page activity

Visits<b>She_Elaine</b> - the 07/04/2016 at 11:22pm<b>Cocoa_Kao</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 5:52pm<b>KiaraLache</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 5:07pm<b>Scrambled</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 9:02am<b>DappeRB</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 2:19pm<b>Nahpets</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 4:03am<b>ZoeeeGuyss</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 2:18pm<b>davisjenny81</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 1:50pm<b>extrasnipes</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 4:28pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 9:05am<b>moneymuffen</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 9:56am<b>Retaheki</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 12:01pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/18/2015 at 7:35pm<b>Le_Rabbid</b> - the 12/20/2014 at 5:36pm<b>Adeptus_Astartes</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 12:30am<b>3051628</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 10:41pm<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 7:11pm<b>Way2Fast8</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 1:38am

Fucked!<b>She_Elaine</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 5:22am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 1:36am

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VorpikeII's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

by Innocence / 02/13/2015 at 12:33pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 9:31am / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

by jessierules93 / 12/07/2013 at 12:58am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

by possibly a sweater / 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

by unproud / 11/15/2013 at 2:05am / United Kingdom (Luton) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

by ADickySituation / 05/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 6:29am / Health

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

by go snope yourself / 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2012 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

by breathalizard / 05/02/2009 at 2:21am / United States (North Dakota) / Health