Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Tymaster5

Online | Search for a member

Tymaster5

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 11 April 1999 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 842
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Tymaster5 : My dog is a bitch.

Tymaster5's page activity

Visits<b>crossl16</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 9:54pm<b>ThePaperDragon</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 6:11pm<b>sam_AHS</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 1:56am<b>justcommenting19</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 10:22am<b>LiquidGoldRose</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 7:54pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 12:14pm<b>Ginger_Love</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 9:45am<b>JustMe1600</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 12:37am<b>abdiG</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 11:06am<b>Destinee_1</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 3:16am<b>supersavvy</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 8:49pm<b>psychopolarbear</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 11:59pm<b>telli164</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 8:18am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 9:36pm<b>omutine</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 4:02am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 8:10pm<b>Odannyboy</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 2:43am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 10:59pm

Fucked!<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 2:10am

Tymaster5's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Tymaster5's badges

Tymaster5's favorite FMLs

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

#21496296
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25784) - you deserved it (2670)

On 11/24/2015 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - Switzerland (Zug)

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

#21477811
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29084) - you deserved it (4371)

On 10/09/2015 at 5:06am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

#21420621
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32340) - you deserved it (4106)

On 06/04/2015 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wasn't really bedridden sick on Valentine's Day. A Super Smash Bros game date with his friends was just more important. FML

#21358314
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30933) - you deserved it (5860)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:40pm - love - by superscript - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32565) - you deserved it (5812)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

#21311373
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32918) - you deserved it (14332)

On 12/04/2014 at 11:31am - misc - by Red (man) -

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

#21302056
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32500) - you deserved it (8005)

On 11/19/2014 at 12:03pm - love - by oops (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43679) - you deserved it (13254)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

#21286701
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28804) - you deserved it (37903)

On 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39222) - you deserved it (6966)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

#21099560
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44822) - you deserved it (19090)

On 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm - love - by the other guy? (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

#21085518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57430) - you deserved it (6022)

On 03/13/2014 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: