Tymaster5

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Offline (the 12/05/2016 at 4:57am)

Tymaster5

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 11 April 1999 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1329
  • Number of comments : 88
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Tymaster5 : My dog is a bitch.

Tymaster5's page activity

Visits<b>DrChrisOfWumbo</b> - the 09/10/2016 at 3:39am<b>yerawizardlizzy</b> - the 07/18/2016 at 8:54am<b>NerdGirl321</b> - the 07/13/2016 at 12:39pm<b>hoponpip</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 6:12pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 12:32pm<b>French_giirl</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 5:11pm<b>3szbkp</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 6:27pm<b>Sayeret_Matkal</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 8:15pm<b>BlueBaronBitch</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 10:34am<b>crossl16</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 9:54pm<b>ThePaperDragon</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 6:11pm<b>sam_AHS</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 1:56am<b>justcommenting19</b> - the 10/13/2015 at 10:22am<b>LiquidGoldRose</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 7:54pm<b>saffy66</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 12:14pm<b>Ginger_Love</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 9:45am<b>JustMe1600</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 12:37am<b>abdiG</b> - the 06/15/2015 at 11:06am

Fucked!<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 2:10am

Tymaster5's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Tymaster5's badges

Tymaster5's favorite FMLs

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

by anonymous / 11/24/2015 at 2:38pm / Switzerland (Zug) / Intimacy

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2015 at 5:06am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2015 at 8:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wasn't really bedridden sick on Valentine's Day. A Super Smash Bros game date with his friends was just more important. FML

by superscript / 02/17/2015 at 10:40pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

by Red / 12/04/2014 at 11:31am / Love

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

by oops / 11/19/2014 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

by jay-frey96 / 11/02/2014 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I hit a new low point in my life when I stole batteries from a toy at the daycare I work at, and put them in my vibrator. FML

by anonymous / 10/27/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

by Anonyme / 09/26/2014 at 2:56am / France (Lorraine) / Animals

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

by the other guy? / 03/29/2014 at 5:57pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2014 at 5:34am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

by Catuser / 03/05/2014 at 10:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.