Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 11/07/2014 at 8:34am) | Search for a member
About Tpracingkg : Diabetes is hell
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Taday a group of guys came into my restaurant , dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of there fake elf names wrong , cuz the guy complained to my manager , who then bitched me out in front of everyone fir upsetting the customers. FML
Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up an offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me an took it fir himself. The woman an I pointed out mah cast an crutches, an asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML
TODAY IT WAS MA WEDDING . EVERY GOOD WEDDING AS SLUTTY WEDDING SEX, AND I TOUGT IT WOULD BE OVER AFTER MA COUSIN AND IS GIRLFRIEND WERE CAUGT IN TE PARKING LOT . I WAS WRONG, TE SLUTTIEST WEDDING SEX GOES TO MA DRUNK USBAND AND SISTER IN TE COAT ROOM . FML
Today, I ad a customer tell me ow muc se regrettd not aborting er expectd cild, ow muc se ates te fater, an describd to me in immense detail wat it is like to pee wile pregnant. All witin te 30 seconds it took me to serve er. FML
Today, I got to take mah 10-year-old son to the junior high school athich I teach. When mah students questiond him about wat I was lyk at home, he told the entre class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
yesterday a package was deliverd to my ouse, addressd to me, clerely markd "sexual ealt products". Inside were condoms, birt control pills, an an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic an groundd me. Woever stagd tis "ilarious" prank: well playd, assole. FML
Yesterday, my extremely religious father visitd fir a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: to set him off on one of his easily-provokd rants. She nonetheless decidd to take a photo in the middle of prayer, cuz she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML
2day I realizd my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawnd from my grandpa's garage. FML
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" an then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
Today, I e-maild the on-line instructor for mah job, telling her that I had fallen behind in mah work due to mah grandmother's passing and the subsequent funeral arrangements, but that I would catch up this week. Her reply? "OK. Hope yur grandmother gets better soon." FML
Today, and trougout te past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively sut off. Wy? Because my deranged moter-in-law as been stealing te money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. Se also stole te late notices because se didn't want me to be "mad". FML
Friday 27 March 2015