SwedishMuffins

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Offline (the 03/06/2015 at 10:24pm)

SwedishMuffins

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 351
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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SwedishMuffins's page activity

Visits<b>Wizardo</b> - the 11/10/2013 at 10:52am<b>missalice0306</b> - the 03/27/2012 at 2:19am

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SwedishMuffins's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals

Today, my husband and I were talking about celebrities he finds attractive. All of these beautiful, talented, glamorous women were starting to make me feel very plain, so he attempted to console me by saying, "But I love you. You're attainable!" FML

by AchievementUnlocked? / 10/19/2013 at 3:30am / United States / Love

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

by erockinthesuburb / 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

by Anonymous / 10/14/2013 at 3:13am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

by The Last One / 03/11/2012 at 1:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

by Saw / 02/10/2012 at 9:14pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Transportation

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 8:01am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

by This Guy / 09/26/2011 at 1:18pm / United States / Money

Today, while I was trying to explain to my friend how smoking weed everyday doesn't make you stupid, I forgot what I was talking about mid-sentence. FML

by BCBUDDY / 05/07/2011 at 11:29am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2011 at 2:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I put my hamster in his ball, and spent about an hour cleaning his cage. When I came back, I realized he wasn't even alive. FML

by Chris / 02/13/2010 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. FML

by Parental / 01/22/2010 at 12:08am / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

by BigBallah93 / 07/05/2009 at 11:23am / China (Beijing) / Animals

Today, I sent a guy that I like a lot a picture of myself, I got all dressed up sexy and did my make-up. He sent me a reply saying "your cat is fat". FML

by Noname / 02/02/2009 at 9:36pm / United States (California) / Love