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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26161) - you deserved it (4379)
On 08/01/2012 at 5:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19564) - you deserved it (1614)
On 08/01/2012 at 3:59am - misc - by SLAB_GIRL15 - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19564) - you deserved it (1614)
On 08/01/2012 at 3:59am - misc - by SLAB_GIRL15 - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16809) - you deserved it (2547)
On 08/01/2012 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45422) - you deserved it (7535)
On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45422) - you deserved it (7535)
On 08/01/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada
Today, while life-guarding, I had to explain to teenage boys that shoving objects up each others' butts and complaining that someone was giving them anal was inappropriate at a family facility in front of kids under the age of 10. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16205) - you deserved it (853)
On 07/31/2012 at 9:54pm - work - by kaitlyna15 - United States (Washington)
Today, a girl told me she couldn't text me anymore, because she was too tired and had to sleep. Over the next three hours, she updated her Facebook and Twitter accounts, and made a YouTube video of herself singing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19709) - you deserved it (4029)
On 07/31/2012 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5901) - you deserved it (32957)
On 07/31/2012 at 11:53am - love - by TheMissMuffly (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16147) - you deserved it (898)
On 07/30/2012 at 9:00am - work - by Frustation - United States
Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18130) - you deserved it (4969)
On 07/30/2012 at 1:56am - intimacy - by skyplaysguitar - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27311) - you deserved it (3667)
On 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by guy - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17519) - you deserved it (4211)
On 07/29/2012 at 8:25pm - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23089) - you deserved it (936)
On 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm - health - by sy123 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Monday 20 May 2013
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