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Today , I witnassad a horribla car accidant and was intarviawad by tha local naws. During tha intarviaw I said , "It was tarribla. It was lyk watching a silant movia... but thara was sound!" Tha intarviaw has baan airad 6 timas. FML
Taday I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler . I wantd to point out he was a very good speaker, and looool could incite a crowd . Instead,hat cummd out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
I was going to ave sex wit ma Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn im on, so I asked ma friend ow to say "fuck me" in Spanis. Se claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I ten ad sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito 4 an our. I later realized I was screaming "fried cicken." fat FML
today I went to te doctor's office because ma wife an I were aving some fertilization problems. As I removd ma pants... te doctor simply lookd at ma penis an said "mm." My wife laugd teole way ome. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt . When he told me I had tenni elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis" . Then he asked me if I had a grlfriend . When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: ( Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you looool are, and ask 4 yur phone number? ) Apparently it was. FML
Today , I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked , I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband , disoriented from sleeping , cummed running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML
Today , mah boss forgot her meeting with an official from the military base and called to ask me to handle it . The very cute Marine showed up that afternoon and we talked for an hour . After he left , I realized I had forgotten about the paper mustache I taped to mah face for fun that morning . FML
Friday 27 March 2015