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Ray_of_midnight

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Ray_of_midnight

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3028
  • Number of comments : 1168
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About Ray_of_midnight : I may be a Ray of Midnight like Eeyore, but I at least try to be funny about it like Dorothy Parker.

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Ray_of_midnight's favorite FMLs

Today, I found cigarette butts at the bottom of the toaster. My mother has been dropping them in there for I don't know how long. FML

#16613518
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31421) - you deserved it (2996)

On 06/11/2011 at 4:36pm - misc - by Macy (woman) - Italy (Lazio)

Today, I found out all about my son's secret online double life. He's been moonlighting for two years as a male prostitute by the name of Peter Parker. FML

#16611980
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40804) - you deserved it (5124)

On 06/11/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by Mom (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#16609106
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54457) - you deserved it (6851)

On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

#16607799
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37387) - you deserved it (7277)

On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

#16596385
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20805) - you deserved it (47680)

On 06/10/2011 at 3:06pm - love - by gabxoxo03 - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

#16591956
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31364) - you deserved it (12111)

On 06/10/2011 at 5:57am - kids - by Rachel (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, on my way home from work, I decided to bring my pregnant wife a bouquet of roses to surprise her. Her response? "Why didn't you get me something useful, like chicken wings, instead?" FML

#16583514
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40323) - you deserved it (9648)

On 06/09/2011 at 7:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I used the staff toilets at school. As I sat down, I heard a sudden plop, followed by the stench of diarrhoea from the next cubicle. It was followed by a "I do apologise!" It was my English teacher. And we continued to chat. FML

#16575897
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32875) - you deserved it (6873)

On 06/09/2011 at 9:22am - health - by IPityTheStool (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

#16569461
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44621) - you deserved it (4604)

On 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got married. The only thing that is different so far is that he now thinks that it's okay to shit with the door open. FML

#16558190
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32733) - you deserved it (8003)

On 06/08/2011 at 2:55am - love - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I stayed at my boyfriend's house after mine was broken into. The robber took my laptop, jewellery, and tons of clothes. When I walked into his house, I was greeted by his brother, wearing one of my stolen shirts. FML

#16531182
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50401) - you deserved it (3717)

On 06/06/2011 at 3:00pm - misc - by Danielle - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my ex-girlfriend told my entire family and all my friends that we broke up because I came out to her. They all believe her. Twenty two texts and counting. FML

#16525568
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31545) - you deserved it (3297)

On 06/06/2011 at 3:55am - misc - by rapturezz - United States

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

#16515986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29724) - you deserved it (7033)

On 06/05/2011 at 4:31pm - love - by Jakub89 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

#16510507
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19926) - you deserved it (51911)

On 06/05/2011 at 3:23am - intimacy - by yup - United States (Washington)

Today, the girl I have a crush on came over to work on a project. My dad rushed into the room we were in, farted, and then ran out giggling. FML

#16507836
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51074) - you deserved it (5378)

On 06/05/2011 at 12:14am - love - by longlostkid556 (man) - United States (California)



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