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PenguinBitch

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PenguinBitch

65Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 1 November 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 14005
  • Number of comments : 1105
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About PenguinBitch : Things I enjoy...
-I enjoy paddle boarding every Sunday
-I volunteer at an animal shelter during my free time
-I also partake in fencing and do my share with the community Jazz Club. The enormous lie I'm telling you still doesn't compare to the size of your mom's ass.

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>Jax_Ashnarr</b> - 7 hours ago<b>heyitscoley</b> - 9 hours ago<b>Sidbore</b> - 11 hours ago<b>addisonrose12</b> - 19 hours ago<b>raul1394</b> - 21 hours ago<b>ronnie7pt</b> - 21 hours ago<b>BigL99</b> - 23 hours ago<b>karacakal2</b> - 23 hours ago<b>CrAzYELF4</b> - 23 hours ago<b>stevethellama</b> - 24 hours ago<b>RektRules</b> - 24 hours ago<b>TheTshirt</b> - yesterday at 6:36pm<b>joeyl2008</b> - yesterday at 6:11pm<b>Words123</b> - yesterday at 2:18pm<b>Juicenub</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 7:32am<b>Wolfipoo</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 8:15pm<b>quazimozart</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 6:10pm<b>ilovemonkeybutts</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 3:43pm

Fucked!<b>CrAzYELF4</b> - 17 hours ago<b>RektRules</b> - 18 hours ago<b>sp00derman</b> - 19 hours ago<b>Juicenub</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 1:32pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 12:31am<b>Wolfipoo</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 6:51pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 8:14pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 2:50am<b>seetei</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 7:14am<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:48pm<b>whitnayfortooh</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 5:41am<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 1:01am<b>interesting33</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 12:08pm<b>sarcasm_insanity</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 5:17am<b>MaltWarrior</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 6:47am<b>Drarry</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 4:17am<b>LoveNnyl</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 3:25am<b>allykaymorris</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 2:06am

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

#20975074
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46012) - you deserved it (11280)

On 11/29/2013 at 7:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

#20975053
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40978) - you deserved it (3982)

On 11/29/2013 at 6:55pm - misc - by fleetingmemories (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML

#20969310
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36714) - you deserved it (7173)

On 11/24/2013 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my workplace had a big employee photoshoot for an ad campaign. I was there all of 30 seconds before the photographer said, "What the fuck? Look guys, this ain't an ad for facial abortions." He then asked me and another colleague to step out of the shot. FML

#20969207
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45031) - you deserved it (3539)

On 11/24/2013 at 4:38pm - work - by fuggers :/ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

#20967954
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38117) - you deserved it (3488)

On 11/23/2013 at 1:33pm - work - by AFSDALK:AFSDQWE (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

#20965644
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56104) - you deserved it (12531)

On 11/21/2013 at 11:10am - misc - by smooth (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

#20963751
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37562) - you deserved it (3338)

On 11/19/2013 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44700) - you deserved it (3631)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

#20955154
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42605) - you deserved it (2432)

On 11/12/2013 at 2:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

#20953867
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47174) - you deserved it (7206)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Thomas - United States (Virginia)

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

#20952633
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37039) - you deserved it (3391)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by fuck you, bitchcake (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

#20949272
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53669) - you deserved it (5598)

On 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Derry)



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