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PenguinBitch

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PenguinBitch

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7264
  • Number of comments : 884
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : Excuse the username, I am a gentleman.

Happy Fml'ing!

PenguinBitch's page activity

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PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

#20909921
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57059) - you deserved it (3371)

On 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

#20909610
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39339) - you deserved it (3326)

On 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm - health - by _/ | \_ (woman) - Singapore

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

#20907968
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43943) - you deserved it (3104)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by CelibateHero (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend, who's already made two threats against my life, informed me that she now has a concealed carry permit. FML

#20907451
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43063) - you deserved it (3181)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

#20906869
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50978) - you deserved it (7071)

On 10/04/2013 at 4:20am - misc - by f.a.t. (woman) - Australia

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

#20902037
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (38718)

On 09/30/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while I was pet-sitting for my boyfriend's parents, one of their dogs killed one of their kittens. FML

#20901891
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47238) - you deserved it (4905)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

#20901889
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42291) - you deserved it (7252)

On 09/30/2013 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my friends and I spent a little too long enjoying a beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean. We spent the next 3 hours lost in a pitch black jungle with only one pocket-sized flashlight. FML

#20901708
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34193) - you deserved it (11447)

On 09/30/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by sothisishowidie - Guam

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

#20900665
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41066) - you deserved it (6879)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm - misc - by noweddingforyou (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my insane war veteran great-uncle punched me in the throat for not laughing hard enough at his stupid joke. FML

#20898629
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39373) - you deserved it (4473)

On 09/28/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to a really important job interview. During it, I accidentally let out a burp, came down with nervous hiccups, and when I tried to quietly ease out some painful gas that was building up, it came out as a massive, rancid fart. I'll definitely be unemployed for a while yet. FML

#20898243
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41014) - you deserved it (9308)

On 09/27/2013 at 5:33pm - work - by ;_;" (woman) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

#20898150
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48710) - you deserved it (6369)

On 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm - kids - by SerenityJ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a 'young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans' crackpot. FML

#20896509
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33396) - you deserved it (7181)

On 09/26/2013 at 4:06am - love - by GodSquad (man) - United Kingdom (Blackburn with Darwen)



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