Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Offline (the 07/03/2014 at 2:21am) | Search for a member

PenguinBitch

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6610
  • Number of comments : 855
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : Hello. Feel free to send me a message if y'all wanna talk or so. I like meeting new people. Other than that, happy fml'ing! :)

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>auddey</b> - yesterday at 4:08pm<b>Nakor28</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 3:03am<b>annie_potter_</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 11:15pm<b>jlang917</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 8:52pm<b>Docbee</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 3:53pm<b>savery</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 1:57pm<b>thatguy7878</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 7:45am<b>Hannahmgp</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 6:07am<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 3:38am<b>GucciFrog</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:12pm<b>Vitrolicz</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 7:21pm<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 7:20pm<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 6:06pm<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 2:40pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 2:31pm<b>jerryj</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 1:27pm<b>RenoTheRhino</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:15am<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 9:53am

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

#20889286
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18950) - you deserved it (33743)

On 09/20/2013 at 6:52pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after getting back from a year-long world trip, I nearly fell on my knees and cried when I saw boxes of Twinkies at my local gas station. Finding out they were back was the highlight of the year. FML

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

#20884742
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17975) - you deserved it (88601)

On 09/17/2013 at 12:36am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was home alone and heard the kitchen tap turn on. Shocked, I turned it off. It continuously kept turning itself on so I set my video phone on it to find out the cause. My cat has learnt to turn it on. I later found said cat teaching another. I have three cats. All my taps are like this. FML

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

#20878417
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39676) - you deserved it (6420)

On 09/12/2013 at 3:40pm - work - by sysadmin:~# rm -rf / (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56121) - you deserved it (9167)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I noticed that my car's passenger-side door has cobwebs all over it. FML

#20876882
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41574) - you deserved it (6511)

On 09/11/2013 at 10:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51469) - you deserved it (18745)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

#20870447
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50237) - you deserved it (3931)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:42pm - health - by what's a rimjob between friends? (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44233) - you deserved it (2979)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

#20867437
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39645) - you deserved it (3083)

On 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm - misc - by lostinspace (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

#20867417
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48347) - you deserved it (2465)

On 09/04/2013 at 11:59am - work - by resurrected - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
512 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17812) - you deserved it (127735)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

#20861177
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42488) - you deserved it (2455)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:44am - work - by smashyonewfloors - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

#20859797
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38484) - you deserved it (2588)

On 08/30/2013 at 12:11am - work - by Parental Support - United States (Maryland)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: