Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Search for a member

PenguinBitch

16Liked!

PenguinBitchPenguinBitch
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 9406
  • Number of comments : 996
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About PenguinBitch : ATTENTION! You have reached the end of FML. By now you are tired and probably seek psychological help.
Please try the following:

1) Go out and get some fresh air.
2) Start reading all these books you were too "busy" to read before.
3) Educate yourself on proper wand enchantments and spells.
4) Eat healthy.

HTTP 405 - End of FML reached
*static noise*

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>Exodiafinder687</b> - 6 hours ago<b>YAAAAAAYYYYYY</b> - yesterday at 3:04am<b>NicoNicoSamaChan</b> - yesterday at 10:43pm<b>Quackadoodledoo</b> - yesterday at 8:55pm<b>skylercoombs</b> - yesterday at 8:21pm<b>Wizardo</b> - yesterday at 8:28am<b>wowwzaa</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 12:22am<b>Sonotsuave</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 9:15pm<b>thisguy22</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 8:00am<b>ona16</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 2:27am<b>Lexasaurus7</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 12:11am<b>GOGETFUCKED</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 9:29pm<b>yuzuhere</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:58pm<b>TimeCapsula</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:14pm<b>WeLikeIke</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 11:39am<b>Zayys</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 8:42am<b>vlalam</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 7:55am<b>JoshArson</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 6:00am

Liked!<b>JoshArson</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 12:01pm<b>TheCitizens96</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 6:19am<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 7:25pm<b>whateven104</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 1:23pm<b>turdoblast</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 1:14am<b>TheChelseaSays</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 10:40pm<b>anonymous61203</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 9:37pm<b>teapotrevolt</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 11:12pm<b>poopnpoop</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 9:12pm<b>georgiapeachh</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 8:08am<b>ImAFaker</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 10:31pm<b>amyyzzxo</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 4:22pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 8:49pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 09/24/2014 at 2:15am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 7:10am<b>BBlah</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 5:29pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

#21078096
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35680) - you deserved it (5540)

On 03/04/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by cubs44fan - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

#21072961
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33937) - you deserved it (11834)

On 02/27/2014 at 6:59am - work - by doodler - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking home, when a car heading the other way hit a traffic cone. I must have been an asshole in a previous life, because the universe decided to make sure the cone flew into the side of my head. The bystanders were shocked for all of two seconds before laughing. FML

#21068594
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41937) - you deserved it (3938)

On 02/22/2014 at 4:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

#21068134
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50717) - you deserved it (9291)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:39am - intimacy - by awkward (man) - United States

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

#21058095
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39391) - you deserved it (5213)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm - misc - by airhead2015 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34199) - you deserved it (6096)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

#21054343
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41797) - you deserved it (5700)

On 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm - misc - by so scared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54601) - you deserved it (6722)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47119) - you deserved it (4012)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47479) - you deserved it (7037)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

#21036248
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46448) - you deserved it (9418)

On 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48784) - you deserved it (3845)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

#21031072
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41392) - you deserved it (5755)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm - health - by SqueakingRetard (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46339) - you deserved it (8722)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

#21018030
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51546) - you deserved it (6872)

On 01/05/2014 at 4:45pm - health - by stillhurting (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: