Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Search for a member

PenguinBitch

66Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 1 November 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 14052
  • Number of comments : 1108
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About PenguinBitch : Things I enjoy...
-I enjoy paddle boarding every Sunday
-I volunteer at an animal shelter during my free time
-I also partake in fencing and do my share with the community Jazz Club. The enormous lie I'm telling you still doesn't compare to the size of your mom's ass.

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>Broskenman20</b> - 2 hours ago<b>Quasars</b> - 2 hours ago<b>stereomommy</b> - 10 hours ago<b>buckstop1</b> - 10 hours ago<b>TheBitchSlayer</b> - 11 hours ago<b>chaoss10</b> - 11 hours ago<b>Wolfipoo</b> - 12 hours ago<b>DaEpicTaco</b> - 15 hours ago<b>kittykat1501</b> - 23 hours ago<b>EmmaMK</b> - yesterday at 11:20pm<b>Jax_Ashnarr</b> - yesterday at 12:29pm<b>heyitscoley</b> - yesterday at 10:22am<b>Sidbore</b> - yesterday at 8:46am<b>addisonrose12</b> - yesterday at 12:26am<b>raul1394</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 10:48pm<b>ronnie7pt</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 10:31pm<b>BigL99</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 8:50pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 8:23pm

Fucked!<b>EmmaMK</b> - 20 hours ago<b>CrAzYELF4</b> - yesterday at 2:12am<b>RektRules</b> - yesterday at 1:04am<b>sp00derman</b> - yesterday at 12:41am<b>Juicenub</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 1:32pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 12:31am<b>Wolfipoo</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 6:51pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 8:14pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 2:50am<b>seetei</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 7:14am<b>the_aspect</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 4:48pm<b>whitnayfortooh</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 5:41am<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 1:01am<b>interesting33</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 12:08pm<b>sarcasm_insanity</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 5:17am<b>MaltWarrior</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 6:47am<b>Drarry</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 4:17am<b>LoveNnyl</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 3:25am

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Picture this FML

You have left your mark on an illustrated FML’s presentation blog article.

Colonel_Whiskers

You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32995) - you deserved it (15439)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a customer was looking for some decking materials. I took her around the store and pointed out some nice plywood, noting that it's also fire-retardant, which might interest her. She got pissed off and bitched me out for supposedly calling her a retard. FML

#21270214
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31673) - you deserved it (2635)

On 10/03/2014 at 5:13pm - work - by hopeless (man) - Canada

Today, I found my husband in the bathtub, which was filled with blood-red water, motionless and staring blankly at the ceiling. I started screaming and crying, and he burst into laughter at his "hilarious" prank. He only seemed regretful that his video camera hadn't been recording properly. FML

#21261267
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36990) - you deserved it (3460)

On 09/19/2014 at 1:58pm - misc - by TuT (woman) - France

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34801) - you deserved it (4400)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45486) - you deserved it (5931)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43371) - you deserved it (8734)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

#21250496
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36879) - you deserved it (3489)

On 09/02/2014 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, someone, and I still can't figure out who, switched my shampoo with mayonnaise. FML

#21249696
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39884) - you deserved it (3808)

On 09/01/2014 at 12:59pm - misc - by mayoshampoo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

#21249089
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48409) - you deserved it (4003)

On 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm - misc - by disappointedjamaican - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

#21247445
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35894) - you deserved it (4708)

On 08/28/2014 at 9:47pm - love - by ch4nny (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

#21245833
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35676) - you deserved it (6023)

On 08/26/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by alanh69 (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boss asked me if I could work this weekend, doing the work of 2 people, for almost no extra pay. I had a weekend out with my kids planned, so I said I couldn't. My boss called it a shitty excuse, yet gave a free pass to a guy who claimed he had a "phobia of working on weekends". FML

#21245803
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36806) - you deserved it (2221)

On 08/26/2014 at 2:11pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That... That THING is not your father!" FML

#21245330
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37433) - you deserved it (2920)

On 08/25/2014 at 7:55pm - misc - by NotThePhantom - United States (California)

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

#21242576
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38101) - you deserved it (4940)

On 08/21/2014 at 4:16pm - work - by jalisc512 (man) - United States (Colorado)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: