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PenguinBitch

Offline (the 07/03/2014 at 2:21am) | Search for a member

PenguinBitch

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6550
  • Number of comments : 855
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : Hello. Feel free to send me a message if y'all wanna talk or so. I like meeting new people. Other than that, happy fml'ing! :)

Add me on SnapChat: dienche. :)

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>Nakor28</b> - 2 hours ago<b>annie_potter_</b> - 6 hours ago<b>jlang917</b> - yesterday at 8:52pm<b>Docbee</b> - yesterday at 3:53pm<b>savery</b> - yesterday at 1:57pm<b>thatguy7878</b> - yesterday at 7:45am<b>Hannahmgp</b> - yesterday at 6:07am<b>HumbleExistence</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 3:38am<b>GucciFrog</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 10:12pm<b>Vitrolicz</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 7:21pm<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 7:20pm<b>Amber_Naomy</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 6:06pm<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 2:40pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 2:31pm<b>jerryj</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 1:27pm<b>RenoTheRhino</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:15am<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 9:53am<b>BigJoeZD</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 9:36am

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PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59267) - you deserved it (20925)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

#20780277
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43311) - you deserved it (14336)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

#20779631
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62026) - you deserved it (4887)

On 07/13/2013 at 9:20am - love - by a man - United States (Texas)

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42605) - you deserved it (5739)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, my husband and I threw a party with non-alcoholic wine. No one acted wasted, until in the last hour my grandmother started slurring her words and slumping. We thought she was joking, until a doctor at the party confirmed she was having a stroke. FML

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42072) - you deserved it (6361)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

#20770510
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56305) - you deserved it (6511)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by realitybites (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a dream about marrying Hitler. I've had this same dream three times now. My subconscious is starting to scare me. FML

#20766565
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45506) - you deserved it (4704)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42916) - you deserved it (20658)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a group of friends and I went out to a fancy club together. The doorman checked us out and let everyone in. Everyone except me, that is. The doorman's reason: "Her face looks like a baboon's arse." My "friends" all went in anyway, leaving me to walk all the way home. FML

#20753013
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48559) - you deserved it (4378)

On 06/28/2013 at 7:22pm - misc - by arse-face (woman) - Ireland (Clare)

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

#20752893
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49704) - you deserved it (5728)

On 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm - work - by DocKreso (man) - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)

Today, the weather was so hot that I couldn't stop sweating profusely while using the restroom. Ever slipped off the toilet seat and hit the floor hard due to ass-sweat? Not a pleasant experience. FML

#20750694
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47378) - you deserved it (5879)

On 06/27/2013 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

#20742647
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51295) - you deserved it (3661)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by o_O (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML

#20741232
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49936) - you deserved it (11636)

On 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

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