Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

PenguinBitch

Online | Search for a member

PenguinBitch

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7030
  • Number of comments : 875
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About PenguinBitch : Movie fanatic
Clash of clans addict
Message me if y'all want to talk or so, I like meeting new people. Other than that, Happy Fml'ing!

PenguinBitch's page activity

Visits<b>kellyb1094</b> - 2 hours ago<b>laden_swallow09</b> - 7 hours ago<b>trex454</b> - 9 hours ago<b>zdane</b> - 10 hours ago<b>notabeachbabe</b> - 12 hours ago<b>jayeterror775</b> - 13 hours ago<b>jack_jill05</b> - 13 hours ago<b>olivetree172</b> - 13 hours ago<b>Welshite</b> - 13 hours ago<b>toomanyidiots</b> - yesterday at 9:16pm<b>windell</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 10:18pm<b>diesel_power</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 10:56pm<b>cohnsonj</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 9:20pm<b>MrDonSalvetti</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 3:59am<b>buckydargon</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 10:34pm<b>msunique_me</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 7:21pm<b>vividpictures</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 5:45pm<b>rylaii</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 5:06pm

PenguinBitch's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

42

You see, sonny boy, moderating FMLs is a bit like running a marathon.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of PenguinBitch's badges

PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs

Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML

#20837323
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43343) - you deserved it (5439)

On 08/14/2013 at 4:28pm - animals - by Nanana32 (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

#20837266
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42223) - you deserved it (2599)

On 08/14/2013 at 3:47pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42009) - you deserved it (4883)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44066) - you deserved it (3153)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, in the middle of examining me, my gynecologist suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and vomited on the floor. FML

#20826932
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56365) - you deserved it (15900)

On 08/08/2013 at 7:10am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Latvia (Jelgavas)

Today, my mother yelled and yelled at me until I apologized to our cat for not petting him when he sat on my lap. FML

#20825844
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43856) - you deserved it (5093)

On 08/07/2013 at 4:55pm - misc - by wekasdjkasldasdkasdzcawqe (woman) - Sweden

Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML

#20824961
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47902) - you deserved it (23045)

On 08/07/2013 at 1:40am - animals - by Blood on my hands (woman) - United States

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

#20824090
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55661) - you deserved it (4617)

On 08/06/2013 at 4:35pm - love - by (._. ) (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I came home a little earlier than usual, only to walk in on my dad frantically trying to remove a ballgag from my mom's mouth. FML

#20822450
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50776) - you deserved it (4827)

On 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm - misc - by NO NO NO (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I stepped out of the house for some fresh air. It was still dark out, so imagine my horror when I accidentally stepped on a frog. It squealed for a split second before being crushed beneath my uncovered foot. FML

#20822322
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43156) - you deserved it (6121)

On 08/05/2013 at 4:21pm - animals - by traumatizedforlife (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML

#20820272
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43576) - you deserved it (10015)

On 08/04/2013 at 12:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

#20818297
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43583) - you deserved it (14475)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:40am - love - by Msmerfner - United States (California)

Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML

#20816805
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58843) - you deserved it (7474)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:08am - intimacy - by right (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

#20813339
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53349) - you deserved it (8503)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Belgium (West-Vlaanderen)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

#20808604
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59318) - you deserved it (8833)

On 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: