About PenguinBitch : Alderaan was the newest member of the United Federation of Planets. Unfortunately, the once stable black hole connecting Alderaan and the Federation, destabilized. The distress signal received from StarFleet was lost, leading to the destruction of Alderaan by the Galactic Empire.
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PenguinBitch's favorite FMLs
by Asshole hornet / 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date. The girl seemed perfect for me, until I found out she says "lol" and "rofl" out loud whenever she laughs. She also believes sex screws with people's "spiritual energy", and that's why she'll never have it. FML
by CUCKOO / 10/26/2013 at 5:27pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I went to the kitchen to grab some cereal. I guess my mum didn't hear me, because as I entered, I heard her ranting to herself about her "God damned fucking cheerios". I started to slowly back out, but I tripped over my own feet. She heard and yelled at me for "sneaking around". FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2013 at 2:40pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to call a plumber out to clear a blockage in our bathroom drainpipe. After coming back from work later in the day, and after a tearful confession from my wife, I found out that pipe wasn't the only one he snaked. FML
by soon to be divorced / 10/24/2013 at 4:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to tackle my fear of heights by riding a rollercoaster. Once we were near the top, it malfunctioned, causing it to stop, and we all had to get out and climb back down. My girlfriend laughed at me for how scared I was. FML
by monsterdanceman / 10/23/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I worked as a cashier, two girls came up laughing. I smiled as I rang them up, asking what had made them laugh so hard. One looked me dead in the face and said, "You." They then both walked away, laughing. FML
by amy / 10/16/2013 at 5:52pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML
by SaveMeTeddy / 10/16/2013 at 2:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by failure / 10/10/2013 at 10:11am / Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Animals
by TeddyBearKiller / 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm / United States / Kids
by UHM / 10/06/2013 at 5:54pm / United States / Love
Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML
by _/ | \_ / 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm / Singapore / Health
by CreamGravy / 10/06/2013 at 9:54am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML
by CelibateHero / 10/05/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation